


Building Blocks

by AnneLilian



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1942935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneLilian/pseuds/AnneLilian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid is forced to do something that will haunt him for the rest of his life, but maybe something good can come from a tragedy? Rated T for the first chapter: mention of rape. Starts out dark, but gets better from the second chapter on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

_“This unsub is most likely a Caucasian man between 30 and 40 years old,” Morgan said to the gathered members of the Annapolis PD._

_“He probably suffered some kind of trauma, like the loss of a partner or child, perhaps both. He blames another man for this loss, which explains the overkill found on the male corpses,”_

_“This guy is all about control; he forces the husbands to rape their wives. When that no longer satisfied him, he started abducting complete strangers and repeating the pattern,” Rossi added._

_Prentiss took over. “There was a lot of overkill in the men, but the women only suffered a complete hysterectomy post mortem. They were killed fairly humanely by comparison, with blunt force trauma to the head. This tells us that he has a lot of rage, likely suppressed for a long time.”_

_“He’s most likely from a lower- to middleclass background,” Hotch added. “This shouldn’t be released to the media, the unsub might take more extreme measures. Thank you.”_

/*/

It was dark, Dr. Spencer Reid was fairly certain. The first thing he really noticed as his mind started to wake up, was that his head was throbbing. In the split second it took him to become aware of the sensation, though, he remembered what had happened and had already gone through several likely scenarios as to what had happened while he was unconscious. This was when he became aware of a second sensation. While his head hurt, it was cushioned on something fairly soft, as opposed to the rest of his body, which was sprawled on what he guessed was a concrete floor, and someone was running their fingers through his hair.

He cracked open an eye, but, as he suspected, he could barely make out anything in the semi-darkness. What he did see, though, puzzled him a little. He could see the underside of a delicate jaw, female, by the looks of it. Reid knew exactly where he was. Well, almost exactly. He knew he was in a basement, and he knew that he had been kidnapped. 

According to the temporary profile he and his team had come up with, the unsub was a Caucasian male in his 30s to 40s, but he couldn't exclude that this woman was involved, so he kept quiet and closed his eyes again. 

"Did you hear that?" She whispered, her hands stilling. Reid didn't respond. She stayed still for a moment longer before resuming her movement. Reid thought it might be a nervous habit, maybe she was a mother, or at least a caretaker. 

The woman sighed. "I'm getting paranoid, sitting here in the dark by myself," she whispered. "Well, except for you, of course, but since you're still out of commission..." she trailed off. It was more likely that she was talking to fill the silence and get rid of her nerves than actually trying to have a conversation with an unconscious person. As Reid thought that, he deduced that she was probably just another victim, and decided to 'wake up'.

He opened his eyes all the way – not that it helped much in the dim light – and sat up slowly. The woman scooted back, but didn’t say a word while Reid turned around to face her, and catalogued her appearance. In the dim light, he could see that she was wearing a torn blouse that had once been white with some kind of beading at the top and jeans that looked worse for wear. Her hair was curly and dark. He’d guess brown, but he really couldn’t tell.

She bit her lip and stared at him. “Are– are you okay?” she asked hesitantly. Reid felt the back of his head. He had a big bump, but he couldn’t feel any blood. “Yeah, I think so,” he replied, letting his gaze drift around the room. 

“I’m… I’m Annabelle, but most people call me Belle…” she introduced.

“Spencer Reid,” he replied, his gaze stuck to the tiny strip of light at the bottom of what had to be a door. 

The woman – Annabelle – sighed. “It’s no use, I’ve tried to open the door, but unless you can pick a lock with your bare hands… All I’ve got on me is 3 dollars and a grocery list.” She scooted further back until she was leaning against the wall.

Reid studied the room for a moment longer before getting up and pacing the, admittedly small, room. “This unsub always takes couples, why deviate from that pattern?” he asked himself more than his companion.

“Maybe he’s trying to play matchmaker?” she suggested, a nervous chuckle accompanying her words. He stared at her then, frowning.

“I was joking. You know, it’s something people do when they’re nervous and want to break some of the tension…” she said, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them.

“Aren’t you afraid?” Reid asked curiously.

“Right this second? A bit. Don’t worry, I’ll start freaking out if I hear a noise or if that door opens,” she joked faintly. “No one can stay frightened forever, it’s too exhausting.”

Reid looked at her with a frown. She was… strange, to say the least. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of a key turning in a lock.

“Here comes the panicking,” Annabelle whispered, scooting as far back as she could. Reid stood up and moved to the side of the door, in an attempt to surprise the attacker. But as the door opened, no one stepped through.

Reid glanced at Annabelle, who shrugged and pushed herself up. Cautiously, he stepped into the doorway, sensing her right behind him. “Be quiet,” he whispered, “and follow me.”

Just as he stepped through the door, however, it slammed shut before Annabelle could follow him. He turned quickly, trying to find the handle only to realize that the door was remote controlled.

“Spencer?” Annabelle shouted from the other side of the door. “Are you there?”

She sounded seriously panicked. “I’m here, don’t worry, I’ll get you out, I promise!” he shouted back.

A sound behind him made him turn around. A silhouette was outlined against a bright light behind him. As Reid identified the noise as the cocking of a gun, he realized he had no other option than to hear this guy out. It might be his only way of saving Annabelle...

/*/

Spencer had been gone for a while and Annabelle was getting worried. What if he was dead already? What would happen to her? She shivered. The room was getting colder and she was losing hope. At least when Spencer was in the room she was able to keep her calm. Well, at least somewhat, considering...

Her head shot up as the door slid pen again, her heart starting to race. Almost instinctively, she started to retreat into the corner, trying to make herself smaller.

When Spencer appeared, unharmed, she almost launched herself at him in relief. He stumbled back a little in surprise, but quickly adjusted to hold her. "I'm so glad you're okay," she breathed, holding on to him tightly.

"I'm fine," he replied.

She hugged him for another moment, relishing in the moment of security, before she let him go and stepped back. "What did he want?"

Spencer looked uncomfortable. "He told me I had two choices... Neither of them are good," he replied, looking very serious. 

Annabelle nodded. "Well, he is a serial killer... What were they?" Her heart was racing again, but with Spencer there and no sign of their captor, she was doing okay. 

Spencer refused to look her in the eye. This wasn't going to be pretty. "He's a sexual sadist, but not usually a rapist himself..."

He was stalling, Annabelle knew, and that could never be good. "Stop it, Spencer, just tell me, I'm a big girl."

He paused, studying her face and setting his jaw. "Either he rapes you or I do," he replied flatly, but she could see the pain in his eyes.

Panic clawed at her heart as her breath left her. She turned to the wall and leaned her head against it. She had thought it'd be something like getting to choose who would die first or choosing between suicide and murder, but this? This was truly sick.

"I'd rather it'd be you," she whispered as tears stained her cheeks. Why did this have to happen to her? She turned to face him, but didn't bother to wipe away her tears. Let him see it, let him feel bad, a vicious part of her thought. It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair...

Annabelle took a deep breath, and noticed for the first time that there was more light in the room now, giving her an opportunity to study him. He looked a bit like a geek, what with his sweater vest and tie. His hair was a mess, but she couldn't tell if that was his usual look or because of the situation.

Pushing past the panic and fear, she stepped closer to him, her tears coming faster than ever. She pulled him into a hug as she started sobbing in earnest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he kept repeating in her ear. "I'm so sorry."

Gradually, Annabelle released her grip on him. Taking a step back, she reached for the edge of her shirt. Spencer looked pained, but didn't say a word as she pulled it off.

This was, without a doubt, the worst day of her life...


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2: **

It had been eight months. Eight months since his team had rescued him and Annabelle a day late from the unsub’s basement prison, and eight months since he last heard of her. In those months, he’d learned quite a bit about her, mostly from the file. Annabelle was 25, she was a high school English teacher, and lived alone in an apartment in Annapolis. She had studied social work in college, and her parents and only sister lived in upstate New York. She had nary a speeding ticket on her name, let alone a criminal record. She had also quit her job after her abduction.

He never talked to anyone about what had happened in that basement, what he had been forced to do. As far as his team was concerned, they arrived just in time.

After they’d gotten out of the building, Annabelle had pushed away from the ambulance, ran over and pulled him into a brief hug. “I don’t blame you,” she had said through the tears, before running back to the ambulance, where her parents were waiting for her.

Not that he’d expected to hear from her again, in fact, this complete lack of presence in the world didn’t surprise him. Of course she wouldn’t contact the man who had… Why would she? He’d put her through a horribly traumatizing experience. He still worried sometimes, though. He had been tempted a few times to have Garcia look her up and see what she was up to, but he refrained from that. What he had done to her was bad enough, he didn’t need to be keeping tabs on her, too.

He didn’t think about her often, but when he did, the guilt would come crashing back in force. He felt responsible for her after what he’d done to her.

Reid shook his head and focused back on the now. They had just gotten back from a case in Columbia, Missouri, and he was exhausted. They still had a veritable mountain of paperwork to finish, but that could wait until tomorrow, tonight he was going to read one more chapter in the book he was reading before going to bed. Hopefully, he would be able to keep his mind off of this latest case: a sexual predator targeting young, teenaged girls.

He bid the rest of the team goodnight and headed home. By the time he got to his third floor apartment, he was ready to give up that one chapter and just go straight to bed. He stopped in his tracks, however, when he saw a brunette woman standing by his door. Her back was turned to him, but he could see her long, wavy brown hair.

Call it paranoia if you will, but his hand drifted towards his gun as he cleared his throat to get her attention.

When she turned, his heart skipped a beat. Metaphorically speaking, of course, as it is impossible for one’s heart to _actually_ skip a beat without some kind of heart condition.

Annabelle smiled tiredly at him as she leaned back against the wall. “Hi, Spencer,” she said quietly.

Reid dropped his hand from his gun and stepped closer. “Annabelle, what are you doing here?”

She was wearing a thick winter coat, as the season demanded, but when her hands dropped down to her belly, it was still obvious what she was trying to say.

Annabelle was pregnant.

“It’s not really a conversation suitable for a hallway, is it?” she suggested mildly.

/*/

Reid was naming all the known numbers in pi. It was a habit of his, whenever he got nervous, and having a pregnant woman on his couch certainly qualified as a moment to use this strategy.

For all his mental prowess, he couldn't figure out why she would come to his apartment at 10pm. What should he do? Make tea or something? Well, it couldn't hurt to make the offer. "Do... Do you want some tea?" He offered awkwardly.

Annabelle smiled. She seemed so much more relaxed than, when by all means, she should be the nervous one. "I can't have too much caffeine, but a glass of water sounds great."

Reid nodded absentmindedly. "Right...water...," he mumbled awkwardly, heading into the little kitchenette to their left. He opened some cabinets, only to realize that his only glasses were still filthy. He sighed, nothing to it but to use a cup. He made himself some coffee and turned to look at Annabelle while his machine ran. Her posture was relaxed as she leaned back in the couch, but her facial expression told him she was sad, and maybe anxious. 

She was staring off to the side, clearly lost in thought, which gave him ample opportunity to study her. Her hands were cradling her belly. She looked to be about eight months along, which was strange. Statistically, most women who were... raped, didn't have another sexual partner for at least another 6 months to a year, but Annabelle didn't seem to fit the pattern. He thought back to her reactions while in captivity, and had to admit that that didn't really fit into any pattern either. Reid just couldn't figure her out. Morgan would have figured her out by now, he thought irritably.

"Your coffee's ready," Annabelle said without looking up.

Maybe not so lost in thought, after all. Reid got his coffee and handed her a cup of water. It had a joke about the 'element of surprise' on the side, he hoped she wouldn't mind.

She smiled as she saw the mug. "That's funny," she commented.

"Ah isn't actually a symbol on the periodic table, though. Au is gold and Ag is-"

"Silver, I know," she interrupted with a smile. "My dad was a chemist."

"Oh, right," he said, sitting down across from her.

An awkward silence settled between them, as neither of them really knew where to start. "I-" "What-?" They started in unison. Annabelle chuckled. "I'll start... As you can see, I'm pregnant..."

Reid looked at her expectantly, thinking she must have a point. But when he didn't reply, she frowned. "How far along do you think I am?" She asked, a little suspiciously. 

"About eight months, and judging by the position of the fetus, I'd say it's a boy. Congratulations."

Annabelle looked shocked. In a moment of panic, Reid realized that people didn't always want to know the sex of their baby. What if she hadn't known?

"It's a boy?" She asked, her eyes tearing up.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling helpless as a tear rolled over her cheek. He was -not- comfortable with this.

"No, no, it's okay!" She assured him as she wiped the tear away, and offered him a watery smile. "I was just too scared to ask the doctor... It's a boy," she said with a breathless laugh. She wiped at her eyes as she composed herself. Reid was more than a little confused himself, but decided to keep quiet. Women were confusing.

"You still haven't worked it out, have you?" She asked quietly, a smile playing around her lips. 

Reid frowned. "Worked what out?"

"Spencer... it's yours."

"...What's mine?" He asked warily.

Annabelle laughed. "The baby, you idiot. He's yours."

For a moment, Reid was frozen. He seemed unable to process what she had said, and he was not one for brain lapses.

"But-" he stammered. "What?"

Annabelle sighed. "I only found out about it two months after... it happened. I was getting nauseous every day, losing my balance, getting whiney... I took a pregnancy test, and went to the doctor, and both said the same thing: I'm pregnant."

Reid was in shock, this couldn't happen, it just... couldn't... "Are you sure it's... mine?" He asked breathlessly.

Annabelle nodded. "I hadn't been with anyone for a long while before... we got kidnapped, and I certainly haven't since. Even my own father scared me for a while, let alone a strange man..."

Reid looked away in pain and guilt. He had never wanted to hurt her, and because of him, she was feeling this way, because of him, she was pregnant...

A warm hand on his knee brought him back to the present. Annabelle had leaned forward and was comforting _him_. He should be the one comforting _her_. He covered her hand with his own and offered her a shaky smile. It was the best he could do, considering his circumstances.  
Annabelle took a deep breath and pulled back, cradling her belly again. "My parents wanted me to get an abortion, but I just couldn't. Taking away a life for something that wasn't his fault... -or- his father's," she said with a meaningful look in his direction. "And then when I refused, they wanted me to come live with them in Syracuse, New York." She snorted. "Like I'd give them any more opportunity to run my life and tell me how much more perfect my sister is... But Maryland wasn't... working for me anymore, so I decided to move. I'm half an hour down south, in Fredericksburg now."

Reid frowned. "What about your sister?"

"I adore my sister, but she's a doctor. If I got to see her once a month for lunch, I was lucky."

"What are you going to do now?"

Annabelle sighed softly, running a hand through her long hair. "I’ve been taking evening classes to get a second degree...but with a baby, that's going to be hard to keep up."

Spencer took a sip of his coffee, unsure of how to reply.

"Spencer, the reason I came here - other than telling you that you're going to have a son - was to give you a chance to be involved in its – _his_ – life."

For the second time that night, Reid froze and was unable to think of a single intelligible thing to say. "Oh," he breathed. 

"I understand that you need to think about it." She started to get up. Reid quickly jumped up to give her a hand. "Thank you." Annabelle rummaged around in her purse and eventually produced a card. "This is my number. When you've made your decision, call me," she said, moving towards the door. 

Before Reid really realized what was going on, she had closed the door behind her and had left him alone in his apartment once more.

/*/

"Reid, what's the matter with you? You've been distracted all day," Morgan commented, pulling Reid from his musings. "Hmm, what?" Reid said distractedly. "It's nothing; I'm fine."

"Are you calculating mathematical equations again?" Prentiss called over from her desk. 

"Or pondering the influence of the fall of the Incan empire on today's society?" Morgan joked.

Reid frowned. "Why would-?"

"Figure of speech, genius," Morgan interrupted.

Reid’s frown deepened. "Not a very good one..."

“He’s back, ladies and gentlemen,” Morgan teased. Reid opened his mouth to retort, but Hotch strode in and interrupted them. “We’ve got a case,” he announced. “Conference room, now.”

/*/

“I need to see Dr. Spencer Reid, please,” Annabelle asked the receptionist at the BAU.

“Just a moment, please,” the woman replied, picking up a phone, presumably to call up. Reid hadn’t called. It’d been five days, and with her due date approaching, she really needed to know his decision. Annabelle found herself getting annoyed with the FBI agent. It really wasn’t that hard of a decision, was it? She thought irritably.

“Ma’am?” the receptionist said, pulling Annabelle out of her musings. “Here’s your visitor badge, you can go upstairs now.”

“Right, thank you,” she answered automatically. Taking a deep breath, she pushed her irritation to the side, it was probably hormones anyway. The elevator ride up was uncomfortable, but at least there were no women there to coo at her. Seriously, she was carrying a baby, but that didn’t make her one. A pretty blonde woman was waiting for her when she got out of the elevator. “You must be Annabelle, I’m Jennifer Jareau, I’m a colleague of Spencer’s.”

Annabelle shook Agent Jareau’s outstretched hand, but was interrupted by none other than Spencer Reid. “Annabelle?” he asked, stepping through a glass door. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t call,” she said, shrugging.

Agent Jareau glanced back and forth between them with raised eyebrows. Annabelle couldn’t imagine Spencer had told anyone on his team about her or the situation, so the other agent’s confusion was understandable.

“I’m sorry, we had a case, I got distracted,” Spencer replied, glancing at Agent Jareau nervously. He gently grabbed Annabelle’s arm and led her away from the elevators, to an empty conference room. “You didn’t have to come here, you could have called.”

Annabelle raised an eyebrow. “Okay, first: you never gave me your number, and second: all I do all day is sit at home and watch movies, or go to the library. I was bored.”

“Oh,” Spencer said. He patted his pockets, and eventually pulled out a business card. “Here,” he said.

Annabelle took the card and tucked it away in her purse. “Have you, though?” she asked.

“Have I what?” he asked, confused.

Annabelle rolled her eyes in amusement. “Aren’t you supposed to be a genius or something? I meant, have you made a decision yet?”

“But I _am_ a genius, I have an IQ of 187,” he said, looking a little petulant.

Annabelle smiled. “Sure you are.” She sighed and sat down, her back was killing her. “ _Have_ you made a decision?” If she was being perfectly honest with herself, she was hoping he would not let her do this on her own. She wasn't sure if she could. 

Reid paused, looking decidedly uncomfortable. "I'm not... I can't be a dad, I don't know how."

"You think I do?" She asked incredulously. "I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I don't know if I'm taking the right vitamins, if I'm moving too much or not enough, or... I can't do this by myself, Spencer," she sniffed, and wiped her eyes angrily. "God! I hate all this crying! Why do I have to cry all the time?!

"Well, the most common time for mood swings based on hormonal changes occurs between weeks 6 and 10 in the first trimester of pregnancy, and again during the third trimester, according to the American Pregnancy Association. Research published in 1999 found that higher progesterone levels in the final two months of pregnancy correlated with more mood sw…" he trailed off at her glare. "That was rhetorical, wasn't it?

Annabelle sniffed angrily again. “Yes, Spencer, it was rhetorical.”

Spencer winced. “Sorry,” he said. “Just ask Hotch and Rossi, I don’t always pick up on social cues,” he said as he offered her a tissue.

Annabelle took it gratefully. “ _I’m_ sorry, I’m such a mess. I’ll be perfectly fine all day, and then something stupid will set me off… Hotch and Rossi are your teammates?” she asked.

Spencer nodded. He was about to reply when there was a knock on the door and a handsome black man walked in.

“Reid, Hotch wants us. Who’s this?” the man asked curiously.

“I’ll be right there. Bye,” Spencer replied, ignoring the man’s question. Annabelle figured he didn’t want to talk to his team about this yet. Not a big surprise, considering the circumstances. She smiled sheepishly at the man as he raised an eyebrow and retreated from the room in silence.

“I am never going to hear the end of this,” he muttered under his breath.

“You don’t get out much, do you?” she asked with a grin, taking in his demeanor.

He looked up at her, looking surprised. He probably hadn’t thought she could hear. He narrowed his eyes uncertainly. “Rhetorical?”

Annabelle laughed and nodded. “Look, you don’t need to give me an answer right now. Do you want to meet up for lunch tomorrow?” she asked. “We could go to S&G over on Potomac avenue, I hear they’ve got good food.”

“Uhm… yeah, sure. What time?”

“Noon’s fine. I’ll see you there,” she replied with a smile, and walked out of the conference room. “Text or call if you can’t make it, okay?” she called over her shoulder.

Here’s to hoping that he wouldn’t forget that last bit. At least the diner had free Wi-Fi…

/*/

When Reid walked to his desk, he knew Morgan wasn’t going to let this go. He wasn’t disappointed. “So, lover boy, who was the girl?” Morgan asked with a grin.

“Girl?” Prentiss asked, walking over. “Reid? What happened?”

Reid didn’t get a chance to reply. “He was talking to a pretty brunette,” Morgan said, his grin widening.

“A pretty, _pregnant_ girl,” JJ added with a soft smile. “It seemed very personal to me.”

Prentiss’s jaw dropped. “Please don’t tell me… Reid isn’t capable of that, is he?”

Reid just dropped his head into his hands and groaned.

“Leave him be, we’ve got a case to solve,” Hotch intervened, and made the team go back to their own desks.

“So, a girl, huh?” he asked Reid once they all sat back down. “You’re never going to hear the end of this, you know that, right?”

Reid grimaced. “Believe me, that had already occurred to me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About last chapter: I know the whole being-able-to-tell-he-sex-by-the-position-in-the-womb is not true, and Reid would know that, but let's just say that it IS real, just for the sake of this story, okay?  
> Also, forgive me any mistakes I left in this, it wasn't beta-ed.  
> Enjoy!

** Chapter 3: **

Annabelle thanked whatever deity was out there that the restaurant had turned up their heating to the maximum. It was freezing outside, and it had just started snowing lightly. Add to that the fact that her coat would no longer close over her huge belly, and you had one cranky mother-to-be on your hands. Oh, and she couldn't drink coffee…

She quickly sat down at a corner booth where she could keep an eye on the front door. "Good afternoon, I'm Kaylee, I'll be your waitress today, what can I get for you?" The girl appeared to be in her mid-teens, but Annabelle supposed she must've been older than that. She was blonde and looked like a typical bubbly cheerleader.

"Just a hot chocolate, please, I'll order when my… lunch date gets here," she told the girl.

She had been running a little late herself, but from the looks of it, Spencer wasn't going to be on time either. Annabelle relaxed into her booth and rubbed the top of her belly. The baby had been really active these last few days, but she hadn't felt him all day today. In fact, she hadn't felt him since she's talked to Spencer the other day. It would've worried her if she hadn't had this happen before.

The waitress put her cocoa in front of her, and Annabelle sipped it carefully. She would've been happier with a nice cup of coffee, but the doctor had warned her about too much caffeine, so she'd kept it down to one cup a week. It was killing her.

She checked her watch. Spencer was only fifteen minutes late, which wasn't enough to start worrying, but she'd found that when she'd hit the six month mark, she got worried far quicker than usual.

Just as she was about to pick up her phone and call him, a cold gust of wind announced his entry. He glanced around the restaurant for a minute, before spotting her and coming over to sit across from her. "Sorry I'm late, this case we've been working on…"

She held up a hand. "It's okay, I was late too."

Spencer glanced at her half-empty cup of cocoa, but didn't comment. "So, have you been here before?" he asked curiously, picking up the menu.

"No, but I have a friend in D.C. who comes in here from time to time. Apparently, they've got good food for good prices," she replied with a smile.

He smiled back, a little awkwardly, and immersed himself back into the menu. The waitress appeared at their table again. "I'll have a coffee and an omelet with bacon, mushrooms and onion, but no spinach, please," Spencer ordered, hardly looking up from his menu.

Annabelle smiled sheepishly. "I'll have the same, but with a water instead of a coffee, thanks." She turned back to Spencer to say something, but was interrupted.

"You were a high school teacher, right? Did you ever had really big problems with any of them?" he asked. She had a feeling he was asking for a reason, but decided to let it go.

"The school I worked at wasn't very big, but we had our fair share of problems. Never anything too drastic, but sure."

"Like what?"

Annabelle sighed. That was the part about her job she didn't much like. "A few possessions of drugs, some bullying… There was one girl who was cutting herself. I'd glanced it in a bathroom mirror once. When I tried talking to her about it, to help her, she lashed out. She said that I was stalking her, and that following girls into the bathroom was creepy. I was lucky the principal didn't take those accusations to heart, but I still felt so guilty that I couldn't help her…"

"Did you try to find her again?" he asked.

Annabelle kept her eyes on her hot cocoa. "No. If anyone were to find out that I did, those accusations would be sure to surface again, and there were other kids at the school I  _could_  help," she explained.

Spencer sat back, processing that as the food was brought to their table. Annabelle bit her lip, debating whether or not to bring it up. "Spencer?" she asked. He looked up, looking a bit confused. His thoughts were obviously elsewhere. "Is everything okay at work?" she asked.

"Yes, everything's…" he trailed off as Annabelle raised an eyebrow. "It's just this case. It's always harder when children are involved…"

"I guess you can't tell me about it, can you?"

He shook his head. "Not while it's an open case."

"Well, then I'm just going to have to take your mind off of it, won't I?" Spencer looked at her warily as she grinned at him. She liked making him squirm, it was funny. He opened his mouth to say something when her phone rang. He raised his eyebrows at the sound of the imperial march. She grimaced. "I'm sorry, I have to take this." She pulled out her phone and quickly picked up, half-turning away from him. "Hi, mom… No, I can't, you know I can't…" She pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, mother, I– What? No! Mom! … You know what, do whatever the hell you want. Bye!" She clenched her teeth and hung up. Sighing in frustration.

Spencer paused for a second. "Your mother's ringtone is Darth Vader's theme music?" he asked quizzically, digging into his food.

Annabelle let out a breathless laugh. "Yeah, I thought it was fitting. If you ever meet her, please don't tell her, she'd kill me," she pleaded, taking a bite herself.

"So you like Star Wars?" he asked, leaning forward a little. Annabelle grinned to herself. He was obviously a geek himself.

"I really like them, but the old trilogy more than the prequels. I do have a soft spot for episode one, though," she responded.

Spencer frowned. "Why? Even putting the scientific arguments aside, there are so many inconsistencies, it just doesn't make sense."

Annabelle grinned wider. "Little Anakin, mostly, also, I love the portrayal of the Naboo, the detailing that went into creating that planet is just something I can appreciate. Never liked Natalie Portman, though, she sounds like a robot all throughout the movie…" she complained.

Spencer chuckled. "Fair enough. What about other sci-fi movies?"

Annabelle held up a hand. "I know what you're trying to ask, and no, I'm not a Trekkie. I've watched a few next gen episodes, but that's about it."

"What? But Star Trek is the best, and has far less scientific inaccuracies!" Spencer cried out, but a small smile betrayed that he didn't really mind after all.

Annabelle laughed. "I can't help it! I just never really got into it! Doctor Who on the other hand is probably my favorite show ever," she responded, hoping she wouldn't look too much like a geek now.

"Old or New?" he asked immediately.

"New, though I've started watching the Old."

"Favorite Doctor?"

"Ten, no doubt about it, though of the old series, I'd have to say four. He's the only one I've seen any episodes of."

"Oh, really? You should watch them in the right order! Companion?"

"Of the new series Rose, though Donna and Rory are close seconds. In the old series, I don't know everyone, but I'd have to say Sarah Jane."

Spencer smiled, and Annabelle noted that it was a nice smile. He usually looked so serious. "Sorry for the interrogation," he said sheepishly.

Annabelle waved a hand. "That's okay, those were important questions. But now it's your turn, who are your favorites?"

"Old Who, the fourth Doctor, and probably Sarah Jane Smith," he replied with a grin.

"Haven't you seen the new series?"

"I have, I just prefer the old one."

Annabelle reached over and put a hand over his. "Please tell me you like David Tennant. If not we can't be seen together in public," she said theatrically.

Spencer chuckled. "I liked him better than Matt Smith."

"Well that's a start, I suppose," she said, taking back her hand. She finished her lunch and tried to catch the last drops of cocoa from her mug. Hey, if she couldn't have caffeine, hot chocolate was the next best thing.

The waitress came by with the bill – jeez, these people worked fast – and Annabelle reached for it, fully intending to pay, but Spencer snatched it up first. She raised her eyebrows, to which he shrugged. She gave in. If he wanted to pay, who was she to argue. She stared out at the empty table to her right. Apparently, chivalry wasn't dead just yet.

They got up and donned their winter coats again, Annabelle resting a hand on her lower back. She shivered when Spencer opened the door. She had almost expected him to say goodbye to her at the door, but he just followed her to her car. She wasn't sure if it was him being courteous, or just a habit. Either way, it was nice.

"Thanks for lunch," she said when they reached her car. She was kind of hoping to say goodbye quickly, it was still snowing lightly, and she was freezing.

"Sure. Do you want to meet up again tomorrow?" he asked in a rush.

Annabelle was surprised, she hadn't expected him to take the initiative. "Uhm, sure, that'd be nice."

/*/

Over the next week, Reid met Annabelle for lunch every day at S&G. It got to the point where their usual waitress, Kaylee, figured out their order. After that first time, Reid always took their signature sandwich, while Annabelle either took an omelet or one of the sandwiches, until she found her favorite.

Annabelle laughed. "Seriously? A prank war?"

"He started it," he replied, smiling despite his words. Reid had found that Annabelle was easy to talk to, it was completely different from the people on the team. He loved them dearly, but they didn't always get him. While Annabelle didn't always understand the scientific jargon he tended to use, and didn't have a background in any of his areas of expertise, she was a great listener. And she laughed at his jokes.

"Okay, so let me see if I got this right: Aaron Hotchner is the team leader, Jennifer Jareau, the one I met, is the communications liaison, Penelope… something…"

"Garcia," Reid supplied.

"Right, Garcia, is the crazy tech girl, Derek Morgan is the muscles, but I'm never to tell him this, and Emily Prentiss and David Rossi are the final members of the team."

"Correct. Ten points to Gryffindor," he joked.

Annabelle grinned. "I think I'm more of a Hufflepuff, but thank you." She gave him a mock toast. She seemed to be in good spirits today, which was a nice change from the past two days. She'd been very tired and moody, but given that she was now 36 weeks along, that was no surprise.

Suddenly, the smile dropped from her face, and she gasped. "Annabelle?" he asked worriedly. She quickly grabbed his hand and held it against her belly, just below her breasts. Reid knew he was blushing furiously.

"Can you feel that?" she asked, wonder shining through her eyes.

Reid frowned, and was about to reply that he couldn't when… he felt a sharp push against his hand. He knew from when JJ was pregnant that this was the baby kicking, but while it had freaked him out back then, he felt… wonder at the touch now.

He chuckled breathlessly. "He's so strong…"

Annabelle was beaming. "He hasn't been moving a whole lot lately, but when he does, it's quite forceful. I'm just glad it wasn't my bladder."

Intelligently, Reid knew that pregnant women were considered more beautiful because they were carrying offspring, and it awakened a protective instinct in males, but he never figured it would apply to  _him_. He had to admit, though, that even objectively speaking, she was pretty. Her face was symmetrical, and her brown eyes were very dark, which gave the impression that her pupils were dilated. She wasn't beautiful like JJ or even Prentiss, but she was attractive nonetheless.

"What are you staring at?" she asked with a smile, still holding his hand in place.

Reid opened his mouth, but no sound came out. As he reclaimed his hand, he finally managed to utter something. "Nothing, just thinking."

"Do you ever not do that?" she asked curiously, cocking her head to the side. It was a habit of hers he'd picked up on fairly quickly.

"Do what?"

"Think."

He frowned, looked at his cup of coffee. "I don't think I can, even if I tried."

Annabelle grabbed her own mug of hot chocolate. "I try to, sometimes. I'll be sitting somewhere, maybe with a book forgotten on my lap, and I'll just stare into the distance, enjoying the sun… It's peaceful." She shrugged.

Reid let that sink in for a moment. "I wish I knew what that feels like."

"It's not that hard, you just need to be secure enough not to wander off again. I used to be able to do it with my dad. I'd sit in his lap and try to think of nothing. I couldn't really do it back then, but at least I tried."

"Sounds nice."

She smiled up at him. "It is."

They sat in silence like that for a few more minutes, before Annabelle paid the check (they were taking turns now) and they got up to leave.

"Same time tomorrow?" he asked, opening the door for her.

"Of course," she replied, grinning.

/*/

Reid walked back to the BAU. He had an hour lunch break, and he spent 30 minutes of it in the restaurant with Annabelle. He was in a good mood, which was largely due to his unborn son and Annabelle. Something about feeling his son kick was… awe-inspiring. He'd never thought he'd be a father, never even given it much thought, but here he was.

His musings were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He checked the caller-id. Annabelle. Dread settled in his stomach as he quickly answered the phone.

"Spencer! The baby, it's coming!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent an inordinate amount of time on Google Maps for this, and I still have absolutely no clue whether the facility I mentioned actually delivers babies, so if you know the area, bear with me, okay?  
> Enjoy!

** Chapter 4: **

He would’ve liked to say that he didn’t panic, and, he supposed, outwardly, he didn’t. “Where are you?” he asked immediately, hurrying along to the Bureau.

“I don’t know, somewhere on Russel Road. Oh, God, Spencer, I can’t do this by myself, I can’t, I can’t…”

“Stay calm, and stay there,” he ordered, the FBI agent in him taking over. “I’m on my way.”

He hung up the phone and ran up the stairs to the main hall. He spotted JJ and Emily as they were walking back from the cafeteria. “JJ!” he shouted, running up to her.

“Spence? What is it? Is something wrong?”

“I need a favour, right now.”

She glanced at Emily, and Reid grew impatient. It was below freezing outside, and Annabelle was going into labour by herself. “Okay, sure, what do you need?” she asked.

Reid just grabbed her wrist, and started dragging her to the parking garage. “Spence, where are we going?”

“You need to drive me to Russel Road, right now, it’s urgent.”

JJ pulled her hand back and stopped. “No, not before you tell me what’s going on.”

Reid growled in frustration, he didn’t have time for this! “I’ll tell you in the car, now move!” he shouted, ignoring the looks of passers-by. JJ hesitated for a second, before jogging ahead of him to the garage.

Reid wasn’t looking forward to having to explain all of this to the rest of the team, let alone to JJ. He knew he could trust her, though. She pulled out of the garage and sped towards Russel. “Now what the hell is going on?” she demanded.

“Remember that girl, Annabelle?” he asked. JJ nodded, keeping her eyes on the road. And then Reid told her everything, from the beginning. The kidnapping, what he had to do, and then how she showed up at his apartment.

“It’s freezing outside, and she’s all by herself, we need to hurry,” he said, but she was already at Dunlap Circle.

“Where exactly is she?” It was the first time she’d spoken since Reid had explained, and it was to her credit that she didn’t ask any more questions.

“I don’t know, somewhere along this road,” he replied, pulling out his phone and calling her again. “Annabelle? Where are you? We just pulled onto Russel Road.”

Annabelle was breathing harshly. “I’m a few yards out. Who’s we?”

“JJ’s driving me, she knows.”

“Everything?” she asked incredulously, but before he could answer, she groaned in pain. “Spence, please hurry,” she whimpered softly. “I’m scared.”

“I will,” he replied, just as JJ  said: “There!” She pointed to a car by the side of the road, the lights on, and a single woman in the front seat. Reid snapped his phone shut and unbuckled his seatbelt.

JJ had barely come to a stop when Reid jumped out of the car and ran to the other car. As he opened the door, another contraction hit, and she managed to grab his hand and nearly squeeze it to death. “You’re here,” she whispered as the pain subsided.

“Of course I’m here,” he said. He leaned over and supported her back. “Let’s get you over to the passenger side.” He was about to call for JJ, but she was already at the other side of the car, moving to help Annabelle slide over.

“I’ll drive her, you go back to the Bureau. Tell Hotch I’m taking a sick day,” he said once Annabelle was in place. He slid into the driver’s side, and had to adjust the seat. Annabelle was shorter than he’d realized.

JJ didn’t get a chance to reply, as Reid drove away. “Hang on, it’s only a 12 minute drive, and I can make it 10,” he assured her.

“I’m scared , Spence,” she whispered, breathing hard and gripping the arm rests in a death grip. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Reid assured her, pushing the gas pedal down a little further. He could afford a fine if they got one, but she couldn’t afford having her first child outside a hospital.

Annabelle screamed as another, stronger, contraction hit. Reid winced at the volume. For a woman of her size, she certainly had quite a strong diaphragm. Reid worried, her contractions were far closer together than he would think. The average pregnancy ended in a 10 hour labor, but Annabelle seemed about ready to give birth in maybe an hour. “How long have you been having contractions?” he asked.

“A while, I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Reid frowned. “How did you not notice?” She was screaming in pain now, she must’ve felt it earlier.

“I thought they were Braxton-Hicks contractions, okay? It’s three weeks early! It’s not supposed to come out yet!” she screamed.

Again, Reid winced at the volume of her voice. “We’re almost there,” he said, hoping to comfort her with the information.

“Distract me,” Annabelle pleaded after a few minutes of silence, her eyes screwed shut. Reid was fairly sure she wasn’t having another contraction, but it still couldn’t be comfortable.

“Uhm… did you know that  temperature at the core of the Sun is approximately 15 million degrees Celsius? That is about 27 million degrees Fahrenheit. The coolest part of the Sun is nearly 6,000 degrees Celsius, which is almost 11,000 degrees Fahrenheit. And the highest temperature recorded on Earth is 56.7 degrees Celsius. That’s 134 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Annabelle looked at him incredulously. “ _That’s_ how you distract me?! Why would I care about the temperature of the sun?! I’m about to push out a little person, and _that’s_ how you distract me?”

“I’m sorry!” Reid apologised, hoping they’d get to the hospital soon. A glance at the clock told him it’d be another 3 minutes. He pushed the pedal down some more.

Annabelle groaned as another contraction hit. “Oh God, it hurts.”

“I’m sorry, just hold on, we’re almost there,” Reid said, the hospital only a few blocks away now.

“Just tell me something about yourself, okay?” she asked, completely out of breath.

“What do you want to know?”

“Just talk, for God’s sakes!”

“Uhm… My father’s name is William, my mother is Diana. My dad left when I was ten. Uhm… I have three Ph.D.’s in mathematics, chemistry and engineering, and I have two BA’s in psychology and sociology. I have an eidetic memory. What else?” he asked, slightly panicked.

“Pets?” she asked, a little desperately.

“Never had any, my mother’s allergic and I don’t think they’re sanitary,” he replied, finally pulling into the hospital’s parking lot. NextCare Urgent Care was a small facility, but they had been known to do deliveries, so they had the equipment necessary in their ER.

“I need some help!” he shouted to some nurses who were standing outside taking a smoke break. He then ran to the passenger door, not waiting to see what they’d do, to help Annabelle out of the car.

Apparently, when a woman was this close to giving birth, she didn’t need to sign in, she was just rushed off to the nearest room that had the equipment to take care of newborn babies. Reid had planned on staying in a waiting room until the baby was born, but when he slowed down, Annabelle grabbed his wrist. “Please don’t let me do this alone. I need you,” she pleaded.

He hesitated, while the doctor and nurses glared at him. “Okay,” he said eventually, and followed them into the delivery room.

/*/

JJ didn’t know what to think. She’d heard Spence’s entire story, and it was still a lot to wrap her head around. She had no idea he’d had to do that, never mind that poor woman. And she was pregnant… For the life of her, she couldn’t imagine Spence as a father, he was still so much of a kid himself.

When she’d come back into the BAU, Hotch had been annoyed that she was late, but switched right to concerned when she said she had to take Reid home because he was sick. She told him he wouldn’t be coming in for the next few days. Emily, on the other hand, hadn’t been so easily fooled.

“I saw him, he didn’t look sick, he looked worried and in a hurry. What aren’t you telling me, JJ?” Emily had asked after she’d cornered JJ.

JJ bit her lip. “You’ll have to ask Spence, I don’t know the whole story either, and even if I did, it’s not mine to tell.” She hated lying to her team, but in this case, she understood the necessity. _She_ hardly knew how to deal with this, the others would take it much harder. She wondered briefly how Spence managed to wrap his head around it, given his personality.

She was sitting at her desk, working on some paperwork and reading over some files sent to her when she got a text.

_Healthy baby boy. Come visit? NextCare Urgent Care_

She smiled. He was still Spencer Reid, after all.

_Of course, tonight?_

/*/

“Just one more, ma’am,” the doctor told Annabelle. Reid could tell she was almost at the end of her rope; her brow beaded with sweat, and her muscles shaking in exhaustion. He faithfully held her hand, though he felt completely uncomfortable being in this room, let alone witness a birth.

That all changed when he heard a baby cry. The sound was rated as the most annoying sound worldwide, but in that instant, Reid didn’t agree. The pain in his hand faded to the background, as did everything else, as he glimpsed the bloody, slimy baby. He had a son!

The nurses went to clean the baby, and Reid tried to crane his neck to watch him, if for no other reason than to distract his from the afterbirth he knew was coming.

He still held Annabelle’s hand, so when she squeezed it lightly after that was done, he turned to look at her. She was still breathing heavily, she was sweaty, and had bruises under her eyes, but she still smiled. “We did it,” she whispered.

He couldn’t help but return the smile. “We did.”

The nurses came back into the room, holding a little bundle. Reid quickly stepped back and let Annabelle’s hand go, so that she could hold her newborn son. “Hi,” she whispered to the whimpering baby. She cooed at it for a few more minutes, while the nurses cleaned up the room. Finally, she looked up at Reid. “Spencer, meet your son: Matthew Christopher Reid,” she said, and gestured for him to hold the baby.

Reid remembered holding Henry when he was a baby, but this was different, as soon as he got a good look at his child’s face, he was lost. This was _his_ child, his _son_. A voice in the back of his mind told him that the only reason he was feeling this way was because evolution had programmed him this way, but, for once, he shoved it further back and ignored it.

This was his son.


	5. Chapter 5

** Chapter 5: **

JJ clutched the stuffed bunny she’d bought, pausing outside the door behind which she knew Spence and his… and Annabelle were. It was still hard for her to grasp the fact that Reid was a father now. She took a deep breath and stepped inside.

Annabelle was sitting up in the bed, the baby in her arms, while Spence dozed in the chair next to them, leaning on a hand. As soon as she walked in, Annabelle looked up. She’d been nursing the baby, which was a little strange, considering the history between her and Spence. She must’ve felt comfortable.

Annabelle offered a tired smile. “Spence said you were coming. Hello Agent Jareau,” she whispered, unconsciously glancing at Spence. JJ mentally filed that away.

She smiled back. “Please, call me JJ,” she said, keeping her voice down as well. “How’s the little one?”

“Extremely hungry,” Annabelle chuckled, gesturing to the drinking baby.

JJ went to stand next to the bed to get a better look. “He’s adorable. How much does he weigh?” He looked a little small, but then, Spence had said that he was early.

“Thanks, he’s 6.2 pounds and 19 inches long. The doctor said he needs to gain a little bit of weight, but he’s on the right track, what with the amount of milk he’s drunk.”

JJ nodded. “It’s normal for babies to lose a little weight in the first few weeks. He’ll gain some more fat after that, don’t worry.”

Annabelle smiled, looking down at the baby. “I don’t think I could ever not worry, he’s so tiny!”

“I know the feeling,” JJ responded, sitting down in the remaining chair. “When my son Henry was born, I worried about every little thing, thinking I was doing everything wrong… New mom paranoia, I suppose. It gets better.”

Annabelle looked up, looking grateful. “Oh good, I thought I was the only one… I feel so underprepared…”

JJ snorted. “Trust me, you’re far from the only one. It’s something every new mother goes through with her first baby.”

Annabelle was about to reply, when Spence’s head slipped off of his hand, and he jolted awake. “I must’ve dozed off,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“It’s okay, you looked so tired, I figured I’d let you sleep,” Annabelle replied. She moved the baby to the other side¸ and he quickly latched back on.

JJ had to smile when Spence blushed at the sight and averted his eyes. Coincidentally, this made him realize she was in the room. “JJ!” he exclaimed with a smile, getting up from his chair and coming over to give her a hug.

“I brought this, I wasn’t sure if the baby had gotten a present yet,” JJ said as she pulled back and held out the bunny.

Spence smiled widely as he took the stuffed animal. “You know, bunnies and stuffed squids are good choices for a baby, because they have parts that can easily be grabbed. It’s good for developing fine motor skills.”

“Spence,” JJ interrupted. “Just say thank you.”

Annabelle laughed and Spence blushed. “Thank you,” he said.

Annabelle leaned over and poked Spence. “Ask her.”

“Ask me what?” JJ asked, confused, as Spence seemed to become uncomfortable again. Before he could speak, though, the baby had finished feeding, apparently, and Annabelle handed him over to Spence so she could get dressed properly again. JJ thought that Spence might actually get a permanent blush from all this.

“Well,” he said, looking perfectly natural holding the newborn, in a way he wasn’t when he’d held Henry. “We – Annabelle and I – talked about it, and we agreed that… We’d like… Do you want to become Matthew’s godmother?” he stuttered.

JJ was shocked. “Me?” she asked almost incredulously. When he’d asked her to come visit, this certainly hadn’t been something she’d been expecting.

Spence smiled proudly. “I couldn’t think of anyone better.”

Her throat closed up a little and she had to blink a few times to avoid some waterworks. “Yes, of course I’ll become his godmother. Matthew, was it?”

Annabelle beamed from her spot on the bed. “Matthew Christopher Reid. Christopher for my father, Chris.”

JJ smiled right back. “It’s a beautiful name,” she said. “Can I hold him?”

Spence looked over at Annabelle, who nodded, before handing over the baby. Their interaction towards each other was interesting, sometimes seemingly uncertain, other times looking like they’d been friends or partners for years. Her attention shifted as the baby – Matthew – was handed to her, though. He really was a beautiful boy, despite his small stature.

Spence sat down on the edge of the bed, his eyes solely on his son. Annabelle wasn’t any different. JJ smiled to herself. Yes, they’d make it just fine…

/*/

_Three days later_

“Must’ve been some…whatever you had for you to stay away for three days. What happened?” Morgan asked when Reid walked back into the Bureau three days later.

“Nothing much,” he said, and walked over to the whiteboard, studying the information on it. “How much progress have we made on this profile?”

“Not as much as we should have, this guy is elusive,” Prentiss said, walking over to stand beside him. “We missed you around here.” The question was obvious in her voice. Reid chose to ignore it.

“Have you checked out other sexual assault cases in the surrounding states? This unsub has most likely experimented before,” Reid suggested, keeping his eyes on the pictures in front of him. He was well aware that everyone was staring at him, but he was hoping that if he ignored it, they would stop.

“We got a call, someone just reported their child missing,” Hotch announced as he walked out of his office and into the main area.

“How long has the child been gone?” Reid asked.

“A few minutes, he was taken from the park.”

Reid frowned. “Then how do they know he’s been abducted? He could’ve just wandered off.”

Hotch gave him a look that only Hotch could give. “A parent knows.”

“ _I_ don’t,” he retorted with a frown. This whole sixth sense that some people claimed to have concerning their children, was a mystery to him, it couldn’t possibly be true.

“Well, you wouldn’t, you’re not a parent,” Morgan responded, getting up from his desk chair and moving to the doors.

“Yes I am,” Reid said before he realized what he was doing.

From her desk JJ all but face-palmed. “Not the way to tell them, Spence,” she muttered under her breath.

The team just stopped and stared. “I’m sorry, what?” Prentiss asked incredulously.

“I have a son,” Reid admitted in a quiet voice.

“ _You_ have a son?” Morgan asked, shock and confusion written on his face. Right at that moment, Rossi walked in.

“Did I miss something?”

“He’s three days old, but it’s hardly relevant. Didn’t we have an abducted child to find?” Reid said, trying to change the subject.

“Reid is right,” Hotch said. “We’ll talk about this later. Rossi and Morgan go talk to the parents, Reid and Prentiss, go to the last abduction site, see if you find something the local PD overlooked. JJ, you’re with me.”

Everyone moved at the order, but everyone also kept shooting Reid funny looks on the elevator ride down. He had been tempted to take the stairs, but that would have only taken up more time, and it would have been very childish. He was a grown man, he could survive a few stares. Probably.

/*/

“So, you knew, didn’t you?” Hotch asked JJ once they were both seated in the SUV. He didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on the road, but JJ had a feeling he could read her completely.

She nodded. “I’m his godmother, but I only found out about Annabelle on the day she gave birth.”

For the longest time, Hotch didn’t say anything. JJ had no clue what he was thinking.

“What’s the baby’s name?” he asked suddenly, pulling up at the local police station.

She looked at him in surprise, not having expected him to let go so easily. “Matthew Christopher Reid,” she replied quietly.

Hotch took the keys out of the ignition, surveying the scene in front of him. “Fitting,” he murmured, getting out of the car. Hotch was hard to read, but she’d seen the small smile on his face. Matthew would have no trouble winning over this team, JJ thought.

/*/

Annabelle had just been released from the hospital, and had told Spence to go to work. What she found when she came home had _not_ been what she had been expecting.

“ _Mom?_ ” she exclaimed after she’d opened the door to her apartment. “Dad?” Her parents were sitting calmly on the couch, her mother sipping tea. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Her dad rose from the couch. “Sweetie,” he said, a broad grin on his face.

“You just had a child,” her mom said with a slight hint of condemnation.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Annabelle snapped. “That still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here.” From his place in the car seat, Matthew started to cry. Annabelle groaned; he’d just settled down on the way home from the hospital… “Shh,” she cooed, putting the carrier down and picking him up. She ignored her parents and went to her room to feed him. Breastfeeding in front of Spence and JJ was one thing, but it would be completely uncomfortable with her parents in the room.

“Annabelle?” her mother called from the other side of the door. Annabelle was tempted to lock her room and pretend they weren’t there, but she figured that was childish.

“What, mom? I’m feeding my son,” she snapped back. Matthew whimpered, and she felt a stab of guilt. “I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered, quietly enough that her mother wouldn’t hear. “Your grandma can be a piece of work sometimes…”

“I just want to talk to you,” her mother said, sounding a little annoyed.

“More like order me around,” Annabelle muttered under her breath. “It’s going to have to wait!” she shouted back. An irritated sigh sounded from the other side of the door, but Annabelle ignored it, her son needed her.

Sometimes she wished her life was just about her and Matthew, but it wasn’t. She had to think about other people too. She briefly wondered how her parents had found out that she’d given birth early, because _she_ hadn’t called them. She’d left a voice message with her sister Lizzie, but she hadn’t replied, so she doubted Lizzie would have told her parents…she wasn’t particularly close to them either.

When Matthew had nursed on both sides, she went ahead and burped him before going back out to the front of her apartment. “That took you long enough,” her mother muttered snidely.

“Yes, well, babies need to eat. You raised two daughters; you should know that,” Annabelle said, still somewhat annoyed. “Why are you here?”

“Well, we get a text from you out of nowhere that you’ve had a baby boy, what did you expect we’d do?” Her mom replied condescendingly from her place on the couch.

Annabelle frowned and reached for her phone. She sure as hell hadn’t sent a message, so what the hell were they talking about. She scrolled through her conversations, and there it was. A text to her father’s phone saying: _It’s a healthy baby boy!_

She sighed. “Spence…”

“I’m sorry?” her mother asked. Annabelle glanced at her and at her father. They thought Matthew was the product of a one-night stand, which is what Spence would tell his team and what Annabelle’s friends thought, but they still wouldn’t be happy that she’d contacted him.

“I didn’t send that text, Spencer did,”

“Who?” her father asked curiously. He’d been standing by the bookcase, studying the titles, and – as usual – letting mom do all the talking.

“Spencer Reid, Matthew’s father.”

“So you named him Matthew? That’s a biblical name, since when have you been religious?” her mother snapped.

“I just liked it, okay, it fits his last name,” Annabelle said back, trying very hard to keep from snapping or yelling as she put Matthew in his crib.

“Matthew Crawford? How does that fit?”

“It’s Reid, mom, not Crawford,” Annabelle said before she could stop herself. _‘Oh crap.’_

It was quiet in the apartment for almost a full minute, except for the baby’s quiet breathing. “You gave your son the name of a man you only met once?” her mother asked in a deceptively calm voice.

“I named him after his father,” she countered, standing her ground. “Spence is a nice guy, and he’s a doctor, it’s not like he’s a criminal.”

Annabelle’s mother huffed. “That doesn’t make any difference, he still left you after one night and never bothered to check up on you again. Not every doctor is like your sister.”

Annabelle rolled her eyes. “Yes, and fortunately, not every mother is like you. I want you to leave,” she said decisively.

Her mother stared at her, open-mouthed. “Are you–”

“I’m dead serious, mom. I want you to go, now.”

Her mother glared at her for another minute, before turning to her husband. “Chris, we’re leaving. It seems we’re not wanted.”

“Mariah–” Annabelle’s father started, but a quick look from his wife shut him up. She stepped through the door and left without another word.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” her father said, heading towards the door as well.

“Daddy, wait,” Annabelle said, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “My son, his name… it’s Matthew Christopher Reid.”

Eyes tearing up, her dad lifted a hand to cover his mouth. “I love you, daddy,” she said, hugging him. “I just wish mom would understand.”

Her dad pulled back. “She’ll come around eventually,” he assured her. He glanced at the bedroom door, seemingly torn between leaving and seeing his grandson again.

Annabelle smiled and went to get Matthew. He was sleeping, but only stirred a little when she picked him up. “Want to meet your grandson?” she asked her dad. He just nodded tearfully. Matthew looked even smaller in her dad’s arms. She herself wasn’t too tall, but her dad was almost 6 ft 3. Matthew instinctively grabbed for something to hold, in this case, her father’s tie.

Annabelle laughed. “He likes you… He takes after Spence, he’s so curious about everything…”

“You’ve stayed in touch then?” her dad asked, whispering so as not to wake the baby.

She smiled. “Just these last two weeks. We’ve been having lunch together nearly every day, and he brought me to the hospital when it was time.”

Her dad smiled, and half-hugged her, being careful of the baby. “Just be careful, sweetie, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m always careful, daddy,” she replied as she took Matthew from his arms. “You should go, before mom thinks I’m kidnapping you.”

He smiled one last time at his daughter and grandson and left, shutting the door quietly behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter 6: **

For the past two weeks, his team had been pestering him about meeting Annabelle and his son. As far as he knew, only Hotch and JJ knew their names, so he was safe from Garcia using her technological prowess to track them down. All the same, he knew he couldn’t stall them forever.

He wanted to keep Matthew to himself for a little while longer. It almost felt selfish, but Reid didn’t care. After all, he had every right to keep his own child to himself, didn’t he?

“Reid,” Hotch’s stern voice jerked him out of his thoughts. “Did you hear me?”

“Hmm? Sorry sir,” Reid muttered, rubbing his eyes.

“Go with Rossi,” Hotch said. “We’ve got another crime scene.”

Reid nodded and followed the older agent out of the Billings police station. Montana was a little too far from home for Reid’s tastes, and _seriously_ cold. It was winter, and Reid could barely feel his fingers when he stepped outside. Never mind that it was two hours earlier here than it was in Virginia. Garcia had set him up with a skype account and had taught him how to use it, grinning all the way through the lesson, of course. At least she’d promised not to tell Morgan… He’d skyped with Annabelle the day before, to see Matthew, but it wasn’t exactly the same. He also hated asking Garcia for one of her laptops because of the teasing she put him through.

“Are you okay, kid?” Rossi asked, getting into the SUV.

Reid sighed, getting into his side of the car. He knew his team was watching him a lot closer than usual. “I’m fine, just tired.”

“Being a parent isn’t easy, is it?” Rossi said in a sympathetic voice. Reid just hummed, recognizing this for what it was: a way to make him open up. He hadn’t actually told him team anything. Hotch and JJ knew his son’s name, but that was about it. No one else knew anything, and they’d been trying to drag it out of him for weeks. All he really wanted was to go back to Virginia.

“Come on, kid, you’re going to have to talk to us about this sooner or later, or Garcia and Morgan will just team up and pay that girl of yours a visit,” Rossi warned amicably.

Reid groaned at the thought, letting his head fall into his hands. “You’ll meet them eventually, just… not yet.”

Rossi just nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “I’m just saying… you know how impatient Garcia can be, especially when it comes to babies.”

“I know… trust me, I know,” Reid murmured, watching the scenery pass by outside the window. He was just hoping for a little more time…

/*/

“Good job everyone,” Hotch congratulated as they walked into the Bureau. “I know it’s early, but go home and get some sleep, I don’t need you until 9 am tomorrow.”

“Great, I could use some sleep,” Rossi commented, already turning towards the elevators.

“Hang on just a moment,” Morgan said, calling his colleague back. “I’ve got an announcement to make.” Hotch raised his eyebrows, but didn’t comment, as everyone else just stared in curiosity. “We all know about Reid’s little secret, and how he doesn’t want to talk to us about it.”

Reid felt dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. Oh God, what’d he do?

“Well,” Morgan started, but before he could answer, the elevator doors opened and someone Reid absolutely hadn’t been expecting stepped out.

“Annabelle?” Reid asked incredulously, basically running over. She was carrying Matthew and had a diaper bag slung over her shoulder. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean, you sent me a text,” she said, pulling out her phone and showing it to him. Reid recognized that phrasing. Morgan. He closed his eyes in pain, there was no stopping it now. “You didn’t send it, did you?” Reid shook his head. “Well, serves you right for texting my parents behind _my_ back.”

“Hi Annabelle,” JJ said with a smile, coming over. The two women embraced while Reid dreaded her meeting the rest of his team, but it was too late, as Garcia had also come over and the rest had just followed her.

Reid took the baby from Annabelle and held him carefully in his arms. He was still a little unsure when holding the infant, but his confidence was growing. “Hey, little guy, did you miss me?” he cooed.

For a little while, he only had eyes for his son, as he swayed gently to get the infant to stop squirming, but when he looked up, he realized that every eye in the room was on him, complete with matching raised eyebrows (Hotch) and a dropped jaw (Garcia). He blushed and shifted uncomfortably.

“Everyone,” JJ said, calling the attention to her, “meet Matthew Christopher Reid.”

Garcia let out a high pitched squeal, while Morgan just frowned. They were all quiet for a while until Rossi broke the ice. “Well, that’s a summa cum laude name if ever I heard one.”

Prentiss chuckled and stepped forward. “May I?” she asked, holding out her arms for the infant. Reid was tempted to say no, but figured no one would ever let him live that down, and, after a glance at Annabelle, handed his son over.

Garcia quickly joined her, while Morgan came to stand by Reid. “He’s a handsome kid, Reid, you should be proud,” he teased.

When Reid glanced back at Annabelle, she looked up and smiled encouragingly from where she stood next to JJ. Hotch had been standing a little apart from all the rest, but now came to stand next to Rossi, talking to him quietly. Reid sighed. “I know, I just… I wanted to keep him to myself a little while longer,” he told Morgan, keeping his eyes on his son.

Annabelle took hold of the baby again. “We should go, are you coming, Spence?” she asked as she leaned down to get the diaper bag from where she’d let put it on the ground. Hotch stepped forward to help her, but Annabelle turned away when he tried to hand it to her. “Can you get that, Spence?” she asked.

Reid frowned, but took the bag from Hotch. He filed that reaction away in his mind, and told himself he’d go over it later. They got into the elevator, and – though it looked like Garcia was tempted to come with them just so she could keep cooing at the baby – he left his team in the hall. They were probably analyzing this already.

 Great.

/*/

They walked back to the car in an amicable silence, Reid carrying the diaper bag and Annabelle carrying Matthew. “So, that was your team… They’re…”

“Enthusiastic?” he suggested, thinking of Garcia’s reaction.

Annabelle smiled. “That’s one way to describe them, I suppose,” she replied as she put Matthew into his car seat.

Reid smiled to himself. His team was like his family, and he really cared about their opinion. He hoped they’d liked Annabelle. “They’re not usually like that,” he said casually, getting into the car as well. “They were just surprised.”

“Can you blame them?” Annabelle asked with a grin. “You did drop a bit of a bombshell on them with this.”

Reid looked mildly affronted. “Technically, Morgan dropped that bombshell.”

Annabelle laughed. “Whatever you say, Spence.”

They rode in silence for a little while, until something occurred to Reid. “You called me Spence,” he said, frowning at her.

Annabelle half-turned in her seat, careful to keep her eyes on the road, while still stealing a glance at him. “Well… you’re the father of my child.”

“You’ve only called me that since Matthew was born,” he countered mildly.

Annabelle stared at the road for a minute. “Should I not call you that?” she asked quietly.

Reid studied her body language. She seemed relaxed, but her hands gripped the wheel a little too tightly. He understood that it meant that she was tense, but he didn’t understand the cause for it. “No, it’s okay. Almost no one calls me that.”

“Almost?”

Reid smiled. “JJ was the first person to ever call me that.”

“I like her, she’s nice.” As she glanced over, she caught his eye. Slowly, a grin spread over her face, mirrored by the one on his. As she returned her gaze to the road, a soft laugh escaped her.

The rest of the ride was spent in amiable silence. When they got to her apartment, she told Reid to get the baby and the diaper bag while she opened the door. “Do you want anything to drink before we get started?” she asked, taking Matthew from him.

“No, I’m okay,” he replied, following her into the bedroom to the changing table. He got a diaper out of the bag and left it for her to put it on the baby.

Moving back into the living room while Annabelle got Matthew ready for bed, he set up the TV for their movie night. He’d done this for the past few days, and had finally gotten the hang of Annabelle’s system. They were watching the new Star Trek movie, at Annabelle’s behest, though he was sure they could never trump the old movies.

“All set?” Annabelle asked when she came out of the bedroom. Reid had already gotten the popcorn out of the microwave and was just setting it on the table.

“All systems are go,” he joked.

“Alright, Mr. Sulu,” she said, playing along. “Take her away!”  She snuggled down onto the couch, taking a blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders.

“It’s not that cold,” he commented as he sat down on the other end.

“No,” she agreed with a grin, “but it’s a lot more comfy like this.” She pulled her legs up onto the couch and leaned down against the armrest. Reid just shrugged and played the movie.

Annabelle and he kept commenting on various scenes, but it was obvious she was tired. She nodded off about halfway through the movie, and stretched out. One of her feet ended up on Reid’s lap, but he was too afraid of waking her to move it. He remained where he was until the end credits rolled across the screen. He’d only just turned the TV off when he heard a soft whimpering coming from the bedroom.

Glancing at Annabelle, he decided that she could probably do with some sleep, got up, and went into the bedroom. Matthew lay in his crib, still asleep, but fussing. Reid gently picked the infant up and cradled him in his arms. A look into the crib revealed the reason of Matthew’s discomfort. He’d somehow ended up lying on top of his pacifier, and it had been uncomfortable enough to disrupt his sleep.

“It’s okay,” he whispered to the tiny child, fishing the offending object out of the crib. He made soothing noises as Matthew settled back into a deeper sleep in his arms. Reid stared at the baby in wonder. How could such a small creature mean so much? He’d never felt like this before. His godson Henry meant a lot to him, too, but Matthew… He couldn’t even describe it.

“It suits you.” A whisper from behind him interrupted his thoughts.

Turning, he saw Annabelle leaning against the doorframe, looking sleepy, but with a soft smile on her face. She looked… pretty, he thought. Then, he mentally chastised himself. He had no right to think of her like that, not after everything he’d put her through. “What do you mean?” he asked, not letting his thoughts show on his face.

Her smile broadened. “Being a father, it suits you.”

Reid didn’t really know what to say to that. “Thanks?” he replied, a little uncertainly, before turning back and putting Matthew back in his crib, the pacifier now safely in the baby’s mouth.

He followed Annabelle back into the living room and picked up his jacket. “I should go home, it’s going to be an early day tomorrow.”

“Stay,” she said, stepping towards him. The gesture confused him, and it must’ve shown on his face, because she went on. “Stay here tonight.”


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter 7: **

_Previously:_

_“Stay,” she said, stepping towards him. The gesture confused him, and it must’ve shown on his face, because she went on. “Stay here tonight.”_

The words took a minute to register, but eventually, Spence replied. “What?” he asked, clearly confused.

Annabelle took another step closer. “There’s a storm going on outside, and I don’t think you’ll be able to get back to D.C. at this hour with public transportation,” she reasoned.

Spencer first glanced at his watch, and then at the window. The storm wasn’t very powerful yet, but it was obvious it was only going to get worse. “I guess I should,” he said, keeping his eyes on the window.

Annabelle smiled. “I’ll make you a bed on the couch,” she said, and moved into her bedroom to get sheets. Honestly, she didn’t know what had made her make the offer. He was a grown man, and fully capable of getting home on his own. She knew that if anyone knew how they had met, they’d declare her insane, and maybe she was, but his presence soothed her. Unfortunately, he was the only man that didn’t make her uncomfortable.

As she gathered the sheets, she couldn’t help but think of her reaction to agent Hotchner at the Bureau. She bit her lip, it was probably obvious to trained professionals like them why she had refused to take the bag from the man. Because he was a man. Even some of her former friends made her nervous and panicky now, it was why she hadn’t kept in touch. They’d all given up after a month or three. Of course, it didn’t help that they thought that a one-night stand was completely out of character for her, and she hated lying to them.

Annabelle rested her head against the pile of sheets she was holding. She had no idea what she was doing. She couldn’t keep up this isolation, and she really needed to find a job again. Her classes were keeping her busy for now, but they wouldn’t pay her rent, nor all the stuff she needed for Matthew. She vowed she’d look for a part-time job in the morning.

Glad to have made that decision, she walked back into the living room, where Spence was sitting on the couch, reading one of her books.

“Never read C.S. Lewis before?” she asked when she saw the cover.

Spence looked up, almost surprised to see her standing there. He moved to the little armchair that stood beside the couch so Annabelle could start making the bed. “No, I’ve never found the time. Do you have the entire series?” he asked curiously, replacing the book on the coffee table.

“I have the box set in the bookcase over there. You should start with The Magician’s Nephew, it’s the first one chronologically speaking,” she explained.

Spence came over to help her with the sheets, so they finished quickly. “Would you mind if I borrowed it?” he asked, looking a little pink in the cheeks.

Annabelle grinned. “Maybe you should take the entire box, seeing as you’ll finish them by tomorrow anyway.”

Spence grinned in affirmation, turning back to the book. Annabelle turned on a small lamp on the coffee table and turned off the main light. “You do have to work tomorrow, maybe you should get some sleep.”

He nodded absently, turning another page. Annabelle checked over his shoulder. He was already at page 78. She rolled her eyes and left him to his own devices. He’d sleep eventually. “Goodnight, Spence,” she whispered in the door opening.”

/*/

Light was streaming through the window, and Annabelle was regretting not closing the curtains the previous evening. She rolled over so the sun wouldn’t be in her face, and blearily blinked open her eyes. It was January, so it wasn’t necessarily early, nor had she gone to bed especially late, but she felt a bit sluggish that morning. Maybe she had a cold coming on.

Slowly, she sat up and instinctively looked over at Matthew’s crib. He was gone.

Annabelle jumped up from the bed, any sluggishness completely gone in the wake of the adrenaline now pumping through her system. She ran over to the crib, picking up the bunny JJ had gotten him, even though, logically, she knew he couldn’t possibly be under there.

She fisted her hands in her hair, thinking furiously. She’d put him to bed and then–

Running into the living room, she came to an abrupt stop once the couch was in sight. The most adorable thing she had probably ever seen met her, in the form of a sleeping Spence and Matthew.

He’d probably heard Matthew wake up and, instead of waking me, had decided to sooth the baby back to sleep himself. Thinking back, it _was_ rather odd that she hadn’t woken up a single time that night, seeing as Matthew was a far cry from sleeping through the night.

Spence was lying on his side, a small frown marring his face, while his arm was slung protectively over Matthew, who was sleeping on his back next to his father. He’d fisted his little hands in Spence’s t-shirt overnight and was clutching it with that peculiar strength that babies sometimes had.

Raising a hand to cover her mouth, Annabelle was almost moved by the sight. Spence hadn’t been ready to be a father – maybe he still wasn’t – but he was working on it, and this view only proved how determined her was to get it right.

As softly as she could, she retreated back into her bedroom and retrieved her phone from her nightstand. JJ would kill her if she heard about this, but didn’t get a picture.

Once she’d taken the picture and made sure it was a good one, she made to pick Matthew up, but decided against it. He’d wake up when he was hungry. She turned to the little kitchen and began fixing breakfast. It occurred to her that it was past ten in the morning and that Spence was late for work, but he looked so exhausted, and she didn’t want to wake Matthew either, so she settled for sending JJ a text explaining what had happened.

 _I want that picture! –JJ_ was the answer she got.

It wasn’t long after that until Spence woke up. Annabelle glanced over her shoulder and saw the FBI agent sitting up with extreme care, his hands never leaving Matthew. His gentle handling was all for nothing, however, because the baby soon woke up as well and started crying.

Annabelle chuckled at Spence’s panicked face and came over to take the infant from him. “Make sure the eggs don’t burn, will you?” she asked, already going into the bedroom to start feeding Matthew.

She’d never seen Spence cook, but she assumed he was able to, considering he lived alone and didn’t eat out all that often. When she got back into the kitchen with Matthew, she thought that maybe she should take him out more often. He hadn’t burned the eggs, but he looked supremely uncomfortable, and the salt and pepper that she’d put next to the stove were untouched. Obviously, he didn’t make himself eggs very often.

Breakfast was spent in amiable silence, with regular intervals of Matthew’s antics. Annabelle held him on her lap as she ate with one hand. Spence had tried to ignore him in favor of his food, but hadn’t been able to help himself in the end. He made silly faces at the infant, who giggled adorably.

It was during one such ‘show’ that Spence happened to glance up at the clock in the kitchen. His face fell. “I’m late,” he whispered, already getting up from the table, his eggs forgotten on his plate.

Annabelle got up as well. “Spence, it’s okay, I texted JJ while you were still asleep. I’m sure she’s come up with an excuse, and you told me yesterday that you didn’t have a case outside of Virginia. They’d have called you if they were going to go out of state, wouldn’t they?” she reasoned.

Spence paused. “I still need to go, though. I’ve accumulated a lot of sick days, but I can’t use them all now…”

Annabelle came over and fixed his collar. “You could ask for paternity leave…” she suggested hesitantly.

Spence looked pained. “My work’s too important… If I–” he cut himself off.

She nodded. “You think that if you’re not there some bad guy might get away…” she surmised, her eyes on the door.

Spence didn’t reply, but Annabelle had the feeling he was incredibly uncomfortable. “Go. I’ll text JJ that you’re on your way,” she replied eventually, walking over to put Matthew in his play pen and retrieved her phone from her pocket.

Spence smiled in gratitude. “I’ll come by again tonight.” And with that, he left Annabelle alone with her thoughts.

/*/

“You’re early,” Morgan commented sarcastically when Reid finally walked into the Bureau. Reid ducked his head, but didn’t rise to the bait. “Had a nice morning with the missus?” Morgan teased again, coming over to lean against Reid’s desk.

JJ swatted the bigger man’s arm as she passed him and wordlessly handed her phone over to Reid, a huge grin on her face.

The man in question took it and looked at the picture that covered the screen. He should have known that Annabelle would take pictures. “What is that?” Morgan asked, craning his neck, but not actually making a swipe for the phone. Thankfully.

“It’s nothing,” Reid deflected. “Are we on a case?” he asked, changing the subject.

Morgan shook his head. “Just the two we’d started working on last week. And Hotch said he still needed your report, so you’d better get to it, loverboy.”

Reid knew the other man was just teasing and was, in fact, happy that Reid now had another person – two people, really – but it was still very annoying. Especially since he didn’t really know what Annabelle was to him…

Reid, being the person that he was, liked to compartmentalize. Everything in his life had a specific label and place in his mind. Annabelle was… difficult. She was a friend, he supposed, but she was also… well, the mother of his child… It was also uncomfortably obvious to the profiler, that she had similar problems in placing him.

It made for an uncomfortable situation, in all.

“Are you okay?” JJ asked, after having shooed Morgan back to his own desk. Those expressive grey eyes staring into his own, concern shining in them. JJ, the team – they were his family for so long, and now… now he had another one altogether, and he didn’t really know how to handle that. Couple that with the immense guilt he still felt over what he’d done to Annabelle…

“How do you do it?” he asked, before he could stop himself.

JJ frowned. “Do what?” she asked, confused.

“You have a family at home, but… this is your family too, isn’t it?” he asked, gesturing vaguely around the room.

JJ looked at him sympathetically. “I had time to balance it all out. I dated Will for a long time before we had Henry. You were thrown into it… It’s not easy right now, but it will get better, with time.”

Reid nodded. He wished he could ask her about the guilt that weighed so heavily on him. Would that get better, too? Or would he just get crushed by the weight? Or maybe he’d destroy Annabelle even more than he already had…


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am such a horrible person! I've been updating this fic on FF.Net, but completely forgot to do the same here, I am so sorry! Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Seriously, it was just a trip to the grocer’s, Annabelle just couldn’t understand why she was feeling so jittery. Maybe it was just because she’d left Matthew alone with a babysitter for the first time.

Kaylee, the girl who’d been their regular server at S&G’s, had recently quit her job, because her usual ride couldn’t take her all the way to Quantico anymore. When Annabelle had discovered that on her last visit to the restaurant, she’d asked the girl where she lived. Apparently, she lived a few blocks away from her own flat. Considering how good Kaylee had been with Matthew the few times that Annabelle had brought him there, she’d offered the teen a kind of probation period. The girl would come to the apartment, and take care of Matthew, while Annabelle tried to read instead of hovering. When that went well, Annabelle decided she needed to go to the store, and figured the baby would be fine with just Kaylee for an hour.

Apparently, _she_ wasn’t as fine with it as her now-2-month-old was.

Annabelle was really trying not to be the cliché, anxious parent, but she just couldn’t help it. She checked her phone for the hundredth time as she absently selected a pizza from the freezer in front of her. Honestly, she wasn’t paying attention to what exactly was on it, but she didn’t really care. She wasn’t very picky, and she was in a hurry to get back home.

Shoving her phone back into her pocket, Annabelle stepped back from the freezer, and nearly ran into the person standing behind her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you,” she said, turning around to face the man. He was sort of handsome, she supposed, but he showed a few signs of dishevelment. He was sporting a stubble, and there were slight bags under his eyes, his clothes were very casual and a little wrinkly. Not that she looked any better, but she could blame it on her little cry-monster at home.

“That’s alright. In a hurry?” he asked, probably noting her shiftiness.

Annabelle was swaying from one side to the other, putting weight first on her left foot, then on her right, and she was fidgeting with the bag she’d been holding, but none of that had anything to do with her haste to get back home. The man’s mere presence was causing her to stiffen, and she was getting nervous. No reason to let him know all that, though. “Yeah, first time leaving my son with a babysitter,” she offered by way of an explanation.

The man smiled. “I know the feeling. My daughter is two now, but I still get anxious every time I leave her. It’ll pass eventually,” he assured her.

She eased up a little at the mention of a daughter. “I’m not sure, my son’s only two months old.” She offered a smile. When the man didn’t reply immediately, she glanced at her watch. “I should get going, I really want to get back home,” she said, hoping the man wasn’t in a chatty mood.

He nodded. “Me too, take care,” he said, turned on his heel, and walked into the next isle. Annabelle let out a sigh and relaxed her muscles again. This was getting ridiculous, that guy was just being nice, and here she was, nearly panicking.

She shook her head to clear it, and turned back to the freezers behind her. Pursing her lips, she went over her mental grocery list, made sure she had the M&M’s Spence liked, and made her way to the cash register. As she was loading her groceries into the bags she’d brought with her, she realized that, as always, she’d bought a lot more than she had intended to – though she was sure she needed _all_ of it – and it would be seriously difficult to carry.

However, she somehow managed to get a grip, however dubious, on all the bags. She managed to get within a few feet of her car before one of the bags ripped, and her groceries spilled all over the ground. Annabelle groaned as she –somehow – managed to press the button on her keys and open the trunk of her car. She dumped her remaining groceries in, and crouched down to pick up the rest.

Luckily, most of the items now strewn over the ground were well-packaged and not very fragile. After she’d picked up about half of her stuff, a hand reached out, out of nowhere and grabbed the same can she had been reaching for. As their hands grazed, she jumped back and stared wide-eyed at the man she’d been talking to in the store. “I’m sorry,” he said, putting the can in my open trunk. “I saw you having trouble, and I figured I’d help out. He picked up a few more items and deposited them in her car. “Are you okay?” he asked concernedly.

Her heart was pounding, and she could feel her hands tremble. With a shock, Annabelle realized that the emotion she was feeling was fear. No, not fear, sheer terror. She was frozen in place, but when the man reached out to touch her shoulder, she recoiled sharply. “Don’t touch me!” she shouted, and ran for her car. She barely had enough presence of mind left to slam the trunk shut, before she jumped behind the wheel and sped out of the parking lot, leaving the incredibly confused man behind.

It took about two minutes for Annabelle to realize that she probably shouldn’t be driving when she could barely see the road ahead of her. She pulled over by the side of the road and rested her head on her hands, trying to get some control over her breathing again. As ragged sobs tore through her, she fought the urge to curl up into a fetal position and not move, ever again.

A loud honk startled her enough to bring her out of her frozen state, and she managed to lift her head and slow her tears somewhat. She knew she couldn’t stay there forever, and – without thinking – dialed a very familiar number.

“Reid,” he said as he answered on the second ring. He sounded distracted and probably hadn’t looked at the number before picking up. A split second later, she realized that calling him had been foolish; he had no car, and he was at work. No matter how flexible they were, they wouldn’t like him running off every time she wasn’t feeling okay.

“Hello?” he asked, when she didn’t reply.

“It’s Annabelle,” she said, hating the crack in her voice.

“Annabelle?” he responded urgently. “What’s going on? Are you alright? Is it Matthew?”

She could hear some rustling on the other side, and knew that he was moving to a quieter area. “No, I’m fine, we’re both fine… I just… I just wanted to hear your voice, know how you were doing, but I guess I’m interrupting your work, aren’t I?”

“It’s no big deal… Are you sure you’re alright? You know you can tell me,” he said hesitantly. Annabelle could just imagine the expression on his face, all worried.

She sniffed once. “No, I’m okay, really. I was just watching a sad movie earlier, and I wanted to call you. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

Spence didn’t answer right away, and she knew that he didn’t entirely believe her, but he let it go eventually. “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

Annabelle hung up and stared at her phone. Who could she call now? She knew she was in no state to drive, but she didn’t really have anyone to contact. Her parents were back in New York, and she wouldn’t have called them anyway, they didn’t know.

The only real friend she had left was JJ, and therein lay the same problems that she faced with Spence. She was at work and couldn’t exactly come get her. Kaylee was out too. While the girl could drive, and had a car of her own, she didn’t have a car seat for Matthew, and Annabelle was reluctant to let the young girl see her like this.

Immediately, another name sprang to mind; Mary Tyler. She was a classmate from the evening classes she’d been taking, and had been helping her catch up after Matthew had been born. Though she wasn’t really her best friend, she was a really nice and gentle person, and there had been a kind of connection between the two of them since day one.

Annabelle scrolled through her contacts and paused at the name. She bit her lip as her thumb hovered over the dial button. She didn’t have to tell her everything, and she was fairly sure that Mary wouldn’t press her if she didn’t want to talk about it. Taking a deep breath, she dialed.

Mary picked up after the first ring, but sounded a little distracted. “Hello?”

“Hey Mary, it’s Annabelle.”

“Oh, hey! Please tell me you have some kind of emergency so I can get out of here,” she pleaded, sounding a little breathless, but amused at the same time. Some laughter could be heard in the background.

“Well…” Annabelle started, and Mary immediately picked up on the tremor in her voice.

“Tell me where you are, I’m on my way,” she replied immediately, and Annabelle almost started crying again at the other woman’s willingness to come to her aid.

She told her what road she was on and where exactly to find her, Mary assured her she’d be there in a few minutes and hung up. Now there was nothing more to do but wait.

Mary arrived – true to her word – a few minutes later, but as soon as she opened the driver’s side door, Annabelle broke down again. She just felt so lonely and confused, and afraid.

Mary never said a word, just pulled her into a brief hug, and then led her back to her own car, going so far as to settle the younger woman into the passenger seat and buckling her seatbelt for her. As the car started to move, Annabelle’s tears had slowed to the point where she could at least breathe somewhat normally.

They only drove for about three minutes, and when they arrived at their destination, Annabelle realized it was a small coffee shop. “I come here all the time, because I live close by. They have the best coffee ever. I thought you could use it.”

Annabelle gave a watery smile, and wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks. She was aware that by now, her eyes must have been puffy and red from crying, but she didn’t particularly care. Knowing Americans, they were unlikely to ask any questions, or even wonder what was wrong.

She sat down at a small table in the very back, away from the other customers, while Mary went to order their coffees. They didn’t say anything as they waited for their drinks, but Mary had grabber her hand in silent support. Annabelle was grateful for it.

After the waiter had come and gone, Annabelle sighed shakily. “Thanks for coming out here for me. I didn’t know who else to call…”

Mary waved a hand. “That’s okay. My family’s visiting, but they can be a bit… much, so I was actually glad for the distraction,” she said, taking a sip. “How about yours? How’s Matthew? And the guy you’ve been seeing, he treating you alright?”

Mary was from the south, though her accent was rarely audible. Annabelle loved the sound of it, though, it felt… homely, if that was the correct term. It made her feel safe and warm. “They’re both fine, Matthew’s with a babysitter, and Spence is at work, or I would’ve called him…”

Mary moved to the chair next to her, as opposed to the one opposite her, and put an arm around her shoulder. Annabelle could tell she was curious, but she held her tongue, apparently satisfied with just comforting her.

Another quiet sob escaped Annabelle, and she turned to bury her face in Mary’s neck. The other woman just put a hand on her back and stroked it in slow circles. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Annabelle recalled that Mary was a mother of two, and that blubbering children were probably an everyday occurrence for her, but she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at the behavior she was showing. Her own mother would never have stood for it.

“It’s just so hard.” It came out as a whisper, though Annabelle had never meant to open her mouth at all. “I mean, Matthew, he’s not… Spence…” She closed her eyes, backed out of the other woman’s embrace and took a few calming breaths. Little hiccoughs still hampered her, but she could feel a calmness inside her that hadn’t been present since she’d stepped into that store. Before she could really stop herself, she started telling Mary about how Matthew had truly come to be, every detail.

Mary never interrupted, and didn’t look disgusted, as Annabelle had expected her to be. She simply nodded and listened, the only expressions crossing her face concern and worry. The words just poured from Annabelle’s mouth, as if she couldn’t stop herself. On the one hand, she was a little embarrassed and ashamed that she was telling this story to a virtual stranger, but on the other; the weight that was being lifted was like an ache she’d come to ignore, and was now finally going away. It was like she could finally breathe again.

When she finished her tale, her coffee was cold between her fingers and Mary had an unreadable expression on her face. Annabelle bit her lip, afraid that she might have said too much. She’d included the encounter in the parking lot that had set off her panic attack, but maybe Mary was finally realizing that she had been listening to a lunatic. Maybe she’d be too disgusted to driver her back to her car.

Without warning, the other woman leaned forward and nearly crushed her in a hug. “I am so, _so_ sorry.”


	9. Chapter 9

_Previously:  
_ _Without warning, the other woman leaned forward and nearly crushed her in a hug. “I am so,_ so _sorry.”_

Annabelle backed out of Mary’s embrace. “You’re not… you know?” she asked hesitantly, sniffing.

Mary looked surprised. “Disgusted? Of course not! From what you’ve told me, Matthew is a wonderful little boy, and this Spencer guy seems like the decent sort. Now, why would I be disgusted by you for trying to build yourself a family?”

Annabelle sniffed again and wiped her eyes. “Still doesn’t change the fact that that guy barely touched me, before it sent me into a panic.”

Mary looked at her thoughtfully. “Have you considered counselling? I know it’s not the same, but it really helped my husband and I when we were having issues.”

“Considered it? Sure. But I can’t afford it, and all my extra money is either going into my classes of Matthew…”

Narrowing her eyes, Mary looked at her suspiciously. “Isn’t your man paying for his bit of the bills?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.

Annabelle blushed. “I can’t… I haven’t asked,” she admitted quietly.

Mary sighed irritably. “Well, there’s one thing you should do. No need to be up to your head in bills if the guy can help support you somewhat. Now, I’m not that conservative that I think a gal like yourself needs a man to support her, but you’re working and studying, and raising a baby on top of all that. Sooner or later, the stress is going to be too much, and that would be far worse than having to ask your sort-of boyfriend to help support your baby,” she said, leaving no room for argument.

Annabelle offered a watery smile. “Thanks, Mary, I owe you for this.”

The brunette waved it away. “It was nothing. Now, let’s get you back to your car, and get you home.”

/*/

Mary ended up following Annabelle home and meeting Matthew for the first time, and she was already completely charmed. She left soon after that, though, to rejoin her family.

Annabelle paid Kaylee and was once again on her own. No, she corrected mentally, she’d always have her little boy. He was fussing and would need to be fed soon. As she got ready to do just that, she got a text from Spence.

_Won’t make it tonight, be back really late._

Annabelle frowned at her phone. If she didn’t talk to him that night, she’d probably lose her confidence.

_Come anyway, couch will be made. Need to talk_

It took a while before her phone beeped to signal a reply, during which she had fed and burped Matthew.

_If you’re sure. Should be back by 2_

Annabelle assumed he meant 2 am. Not exactly the best time of day – or night – to be holding a serious conversation like that, but she could live with it. She glanced at her watch. It was seven pm. That left her with seven hours and not much to occupy her time with.

Sighing, she decided that she may as well do something productive, and started on an assignment she had for class.

When that proved too little of a distraction, she set it aside and sighed. Matthew was very busy sucking on his thumb and staring at her. “Well you’re no help, are you,” she cooed, picking him up from the pen he’d been laying in.

Annabelle glanced at the clock. Six more hours to go…

/*/

It had been a really long day, Reid thought as he trudged up the stairs to Annabelle’s apartment. When he’d received her text, especially coupled with the strange phone call from earlier that afternoon. He’d known she’d been lying when she said she was fine, and the pause at the beginning of the call told him she had changed her mind about calling him at the last second.

Mentally going over the past few days, he couldn’t think of anything she’d want to talk about. He’d been in Tennessee for the past two days, and before that, she’d been happy and excited about her classes.

He sighed, slung his bag more securely over his shoulder, and knocked on the door. He’d barely dropped his hand when it swung open, revealing a slightly rumpled-looking Annabelle.

“Spence, hi,” she said, a little breathlessly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She’d obviously fallen asleep waiting for him. While it was normal enough, the thought still made him feel warm, though he couldn’t be sure why. As Annabelle motioned him inside, he decided to file it away and examine it later.

Annabelle seemed a little nervous, as she immediately walked over to the kitchen and didn’t face him. Reid frowned at her back, but decided to let it go for now, and made his way over to Annabelle’s bedroom.

In the two months since he’d started frequenting her apartment, he’d learned not to be embarrassed when entering her room. At first, he’d always felt like he was intruding on her space, but after countless of assurances and just as many trips in there, he’d gotten used to it.

Reid bent over Matthew’s crib, taking in the sleeping form of his son. He was two months old, yet Reid could still scarcely believe that he was _his_. He was progressing about the same as every other baby, according to research he’d read on the topic, and watching Henry grow up, but it was still different. In some ways it was all going so slow – the infant wouldn’t be able to sit up on his own for at least another three months – but in other ways, it was all going too fast. For someone with an eidetic memory, at least he could treasure every minute he’d spent with his son, but they were all passing far too quickly.

“I left him with Kaylee for the first time today,” Annabelle whispered behind him. Lifting his eyes from the baby, he regarded the woman in the doorway. She was picking at her nails at biting her bottom lip, clearly a sign of nerves. But she’d never been nervous in his presence before, not even when she first came to see him when she was still pregnant. Or, at least, she was never nervous _because_ of him.

He walked over to her. “What happened today?” he asked, keeping his voice down.

Silently, Annabelle turned and led him back into the living room, closing the door behind her. She sat down on the couch and gestured for him to do the same. “We need to talk about some things.”

“What things?” he asked. Her whole countenance was throwing him for a loop, and he was honestly getting a little worried himself.

Wringing her hands, she started to talk. “I went to the store today, and I left Matthew with Kaylee. I thought I was feeling so jittery in the store because I was leaving him alone for the first time, and I guess that was part of it, but…”

Even more confused now, Reid nodded encouragingly, urging her to continue.

“I… I bumped into a guy, and he was just talking. Superficial small-talk, you know, and he left pretty quickly, but I… And then later when he helped me with my groceries, I had an all-out panic attack,” she admitted, staring into the distance to her left. Reid frowned in concern. What could possibly have set off a panic attack, simply from being near… oh.

A silent tear dropped from her cheek, but Reid was too numb to react. “I called you, but… you were at work, and in no position to come, so… I called a friend of mine. I told her everything.”

“How did she react?” he managed to ask, dreading the answer.

Annabelle shrugged, wiping at her eyes. “She felt sorry for me. But she wasn’t… disgusted or anything. If anything, she looked like she was ready to take the guy who did that to us on, single-handed,” she said with a sad chuckle.

Realistically, Reid knew he shouldn’t care what anyone but his chosen family thought of him, but he found that he didn’t want anyone else to think he was a monster. Even though he knew he was one.

Annabelle seemed to pull herself together, wiping more determinedly at her eyes, and trying to look somewhat normal. “Things have gotten so much harder...I don’t have a job; I quit teaching before Matthew was born. And with the bills stacking up, and my classes, and all the stuff Matthew needs…”  
  
“I’ll help,” he interjected immediately. “I wanted to help, but… I didn’t know if you’d accept it.”

Annabelle smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you… I wasn’t sure how to ask… I hate asking for help, but…”

“I understand,” Reid said quickly.

They sat in awkward silence for a minute, before Reid broke it. “So… how are your classes going?” he asked awkwardly.

Annabelle chuckled. “They’re fine, I’m enjoying most of them, though of course, there are a few I wish I could drop.”

“Which ones?” he asked curiously, relaxing a little now that the conversation had started again.

“The ones I need to get my degree,” she joked, and then sighed. “I don’t want to talk about school, Spence.”

“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

Annabelle rolled her eyes. “Just shut up and pick a movie,” she said with a grin.

Reid spent the night sitting on the couch, arm brushing against Annabelle’s, until he slipped away in dreams.

Looking back, he couldn’t remember what he dreamt about, but he had the feeling it had been pleasant, and that Matthew starred in it somehow.

As he slowly drifted back to wakefulness, he felt very warm and comfortable. Something tickled his nose, which was probably what woke him up in the first place. Distantly, he felt a little worried that he’d missed his alarm, but the thought didn’t really stick in his morning haze.

Slowly cracking open an eye, he was presented with a view that he definitely hadn’t expected. Annabelle was laying snuggled against his chest, her head on his shoulder, her hand fisted in his shirt. Their legs were tangled, and her hair was what had been tickling his nostrils. Sometime during the night they must’ve rearranged themselves in a more comfortable position.

Reid was fairly sure he was blushing, but he couldn’t see an immediate escape from this situation. He couldn't move without waking Annabelle, but he also didn’t want her to wake up to find herself nestled on top of him.

Though he was extremely comfortable, he was desperate to get out and started squirming, which is probably what woke Annabelle up.

“Spence?” she muttered sleepily, rubbing her eyes. She opened her eyes and looked into his. In his panicked state, he couldn’t speak. She stared at him for a second, before realizing their position. She winced and sat up, moving away from him. A tiny part of Reid was a little hurt that she moved away, but he shoved that thought away quickly before he had time to examine it. He jumped off the couch and moved as far away from the living room as he could.

“Spence?” Annabelle asked, confused. She got up from the couch and moved closer. “Are you okay?”

“No, I don’t-” Reid started, but stopped himself. He needed to calm down and take a few deep breaths. Yes, that would return everything to normal.

“Spence,” Annabelle said, stepping closer.

Reid held up his hands. “Stop! Just – just stay there!”

Annabelle held up her hands in surrender. “Okay. Spencer, just tell me what’s wrong.”

He ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t explain, she wouldn’t understand. She’d think he was a monster. _‘But that’s what you are, isn’t it?’_ a little voice asked in the back of his mind. “I – I’m not a monster,” he managed to say, sounding out of breath, even to his own ears. His heart was racing, and he realized he might be having a panic attack.

“Of course you’re not!” Annabelle protested vehemently. “Where did you get that idea?”

“I… What I did to you… it wasn’t right.”

“Spence, we went over this, I don’t blame-” she started, but Reid interrupted her.

“You don’t understand!” he shouted. “I – I had to do it, I know that, but…”

“But what?” she asked gently. Reid couldn’t look her in the eye. How could she still be so calm? How could she even stand to be near him? “Spence, what is it?” she insisted.

“I enjoyed it!” he screamed.


	10. Chapter 10

_Previously:  
“But what?” she asked gently. Reid couldn’t look her in the eye. How could she still be so calm? How could she even stand to be near him? “Spence, what is it?” she insisted._

_“I enjoyed it!” he screamed._

Silence fell over the apartment. Reid could hear Matthew whimpering from all the noise, but he couldn’t focus on that. “I enjoyed it,” he whispered again, sinking to his knees. He put his head in his hands to shut out the world.

For nearly five minutes, neither of them moved, the only sound being Matthew, who was still whimpering quietly.

“Wh- what part?” she asked in a whisper.

Confused, Reid lifted his head. Everything was blurry, and he realized he must’ve been crying. “What do you mean?”

Annabelle licked her lips, hugging her arms around herself. “What part did you like? Was it – was it the rape itself?” she asked hesitantly.

“No,” Reid replied immediately.

“So what was it then? I know you’re not a sadist, nor a rapist, so what was it?”

Reid was shaking, he had no idea how to handle a situation like this. This was _way_ out of his comfort zone. “I – I don’t know, just… just being with you,” he answered eventually.

Annabelle took a step forward. “So you liked being with a woman?”

Reid fisted a hand in his hair. She didn’t understand, he knew she couldn’t. “What if I’m turning into the very monsters I spend my life fighting?” he whispered in a broken voice.

Annabelle came over, crouched down next to him and put a gentle hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. Slowly, he raised his eyes to hers and nearly broke down at the warmth in them. “Spencer Reid, you are not a monster, do you hear me? Not any more than I am. You’re the only thing that kept me sane in there,” she said in a gentle voice. “Spencer, it wasn’t… it wasn’t violent. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, but…” she swallowed thickly. “I can’t say I’m pleased to hear that you… but… you’re not a monster for having liked being with someone. Even if it was under those circumstances.”

Reid just couldn’t understand how she could say that. How could she not think he was a monster? So he asked. “How can you not think I’m a monster?” He was terrified of the answer, but he needed to know.

She shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. “Because I thought that way about myself for a long time… You weren’t the only unwilling participant back then, Spence. I… I guess I felt like… well, to put it bluntly, like a whore.”

Reid could only stare at her. For all his prowess as a behavioral analyst, he could not understand this woman.

“It took me a _long_ time to overcome that, to realize that it wasn’t my fault. And neither was it yours, Spence. It was _his_ fault, and he got what he deserved for it. When I finally came to that realization, I decided to move here and to tell you about Matthew.”

“I don’t understand.”

Annabelle shrugged again and sat down next to him. “People don’t always make sense, Spence, they’re not numbers. Sometimes they do weird things, and sometimes… Sometimes they care about people they should logically hate…” she said, hesitantly, biting her lip and keeping her eyes on the ground.

Reid wiped his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. In a weird way, what she said made sense. Falling for a girl you’d never met before made no biological sense whatsoever, yet he’d fallen for Maeve. And he’d seen his coworkers do some incredibly illogical things, yet he considered every one of them completely normal people, people he loved…

“I’m going to get Matthew,” Annabelle whispered, and quietly made her way back in to her bedroom.

Reid wasn’t sure how long he sat there on the ground, but eventually, Annabelle returned with a wide-awake Matthew. She had his blanket over her shoulder, so he assumed she’d just fed him. God, he felt awful for ignoring his cries earlier.

Wiping his eyes one more time, he got up, walked over and took his son from Annabelle’s arms. Cradling the child close to his chest, he wished he could freeze that moment, that he could just hold on to his son forever, and never have to deal with anything anymore. As he gazed at this tiny infant, he couldn’t help but be overcome with love for the child. Could he really regret what happened when it gave him this? A chance to be a father, a part of a family?

Slowly, he became aware of Annabelle’s eyes on him. “What did you mean, before?” he asked curiously.

“When?”

“When you said that you cared about people you should logically hate.” He honestly hadn’t really understood her whole speech, except for the fact that people weren’t logical. He was really hoping that an explanation would give him some insight in… everything.

“You don’t know?” she asked softly, cocking her head. Reid shook his head. Annabelle looked at the floor, probably trying to gather her thoughts. “Everyone else on this planet would have gotten rid of Matthew and moved as far away from here as possible… Me? I practically ran to you, and I love Matthew more than anything else. What kind of person does that make me?” She laughed humorlessly. “Guess we’re both a little dysfunctional, huh?”

“I guess we are…”

/*/

Despite the heavy conversation they’d had, Annabelle and Spence agreed that they both needed sleep, and settled in to bed. Annabelle couldn’t sleep, even with the comforting sound of Matthew’s soft snores in the background.

Eventually, she told herself she needed to forget about that conversation for now and focus on sleep. Her son would need her to be awake and focused the next morning. She used a tactic her sister had taught her when she was little: she told herself a story, coming up with more and more ridiculous plot twists, until she fell asleep.

Unfortunately, she found no solace in her dreams.

_It was dark, and she didn’t know where she was. A light suddenly blinded her, illuminating herself and the chair she was sitting on. It was eerily reminiscent of an electric chair. “Hello?” she called out hesitantly. “Is anybody there?”_

_“All your fault,” a voice whispered back. It seemed to be coming from every direction at once._

_“Who’s there? What’s my fault?” she yelled back. Her heart was hammering against her ribs, only adding to her fear and agitation._

_“Should have known… Your fault,” the haunting voice continued. Annabelle was starting to panic, and wanted to get up from the chair, to take a look around. As soon as she tried to move, though, bindings appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around her arms and legs, effectively trapping her._

_“What… What is this? What’s going on!” she screamed. “Somebody help me!”_

_“Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout,” the voice sang. It was a man’s voice, but the echoes distorted it, making it seem even more creepy._

_“Who are you!” she yelled, getting more and more hysterical._

_“Down came the rain and washed the spider out…” It had to be coming from behind her. Annabelle twisted in her seat to see the darkness behind her. Something moved._

_“Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain…” Spence stepped out from the shadows, his face haunting and gaunt. He held a knife in his hands, twirling it around and around…_

_“And the itsy bitsy spider…” he sang softly. It didn’t sound like his voice, it sounded… wrong. His eyes were on the knife, watching it reflect the light as it twirled and twirled. “… climbed up the spout again.” He stopped singing, and walked around the chair to stand in front of her._

_Somehow, the silence was even more terrifying than the singing had been. Finally, Spence stopped, a mere foot away from her. “Spence,” she whispered, aware of tears on her cheeks, but not caring._

_“You killed him,” he said. His voice still had that strange echo-y quality and was barely above a whisper, but in the silence, it was deafening._

_“What?” she asked, confused. “Killed who?” A suspicion started to rise up inside of her, but she refused to acknowledge it, couldn’t believe it._

_Spence’s dead eyes seemed to stare right into her soul. “It’s all your fault.”_

_Annabelle was starting to get frightened again. “Spence, I-” she started, but stopped when something happened._

_Spence was shaking all over, shaking so fast, she could barely see him anymore. Horrified, Annabelle watched as his skin peeled back, to reveal that it wasn’t Spence at all. Before her stood the very man that had haunted her nightmares for a year now. It was Joshua Dunn, the man who had abducted Spence and her. “No, no, it can’t be you, you’re locked up,” she whispered, more to try and reassure herself than to him._

_“It’s all your fault,” Dunn said, his voice morphing from Spence’s to that of a murderer. “Your little boy is dead, and it’s all your fault,” he taunted, cocking his head in some sick imitation of innocence._

_Annabelle strained against her bonds, panic rising in her throat. “You’re lying. You can’t be here, this is a dream, this can’t be real!” she screeched, closing her eyes against the reality before her._

_“Your fault.” He laughed hauntingly. “You thought you could play at being a mom? You can’t even take care of yourself. You’re as insane as I am! I mean, you’ve fallen for the man who raped you? And people say_ I’m _crazy!”_

_“No, no, no, no, no, no,” Annabelle whispered to herself, straining against her bonds as much as she could. “This isn’t real, you’re not here.” It was almost a mantra._

_“Even if it’s not real. You know I’m not lying. You can’t protect that little boy from me, or from anyone. He’s going to die, and it will be all your fault!” he said gleefully. Another beam of light showed up a few yards to her right. Matthew was playing with the bunny JJ had given him, putting one of the ears in his mouth. He seemed unconcerned as Dunn closed in on him._

_“Get away from him!” Annabelle screamed as Dunn picked Matthew up._

_“Nothing you can do,” he whispered, holding her son close. His free hand crept up to Matthew’s neck as the toddler kept sucking on the rabbit’s ear, completely unconcerned._

_“No!” she screamed. The chains at her right hand were getting looser, just a little while longer and she’d have one had free._

_“Itsy bitsy spider…” Dunn whispered, pressing his lips to Matthew’s scalp. The child looked up at her then. “Mama?” he said, his voice clear and almost angelic, eyes wide and trusting._

_“It’s okay, baby, mama’s here,” she said, finally freeing one hand. She worked furiously to get her other hand free._

_“Got washed away by rain,” Dunn whispered, and with a quick flick of his wrist, broke Matthew’s neck._

/*/

She screamed. Vaguely, she was aware that she was sitting up in her bed in her apartment, and that her feet and left hand were tangled in the sheets, but all she could see was Joshua Dunn snapping her son’s neck.

Spence burst through the door, eyes wide and frantic, looking for danger, before settling on her.

Annabelle’s throat hurt. She must’ve kept screaming then. She couldn’t hear it anymore, could only hear the sick snap of bones being disconnected. Could only smell the damp darkness she’d been trapped in, inside her dream.

“Annabelle!” Spence shouted, rushing over to the bed and grabbing her shoulders. “Annabelle! You’re right here, I’m here, you’re safe!”

She sucked in panicked breaths, but she wasn’t screaming anymore. “Ma- Mathew!” she shouted, unable to calm her racing heart.

She’d managed to untangle her other hand, but fisted her hands in the sheets. It was all she could do not to start screaming again.

“He’s fine, he’s alright, just startled,” Spence said. She looked at him, but couldn’t really see him. “Anna!” he shouted, moving his hands to her cheeks, forcing her to fix her attention on him.

She finally saw him, was finally able to see something other than that horrific image. “S… Spence?” she whispered hoarsely. Her throat hurt.

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere!”

Panic started to rise inside of her again. “Matthew!” she called out.

“He’s okay!” Spence said, moving from the bed to pick up the wailing child from his crib. Annabelle jumped out of the bed and hurriedly took her son from his arms, needing to make sure that he was really okay.

“It was just a nightmare,” Spence said, wrapping her and Matthew in a hug. Annabelle buried her face in his neck, happy that he was shielding them from the world.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It was just so real…”

“Shh, it’s alright, I’m here, Matthew’s here, we’re all alright,” he whispered back.

Matthew calmed down somewhat, but didn’t stop fussing. Annabelle stepped back from the embrace and glanced at the clock. 5:30am, he needed to be fed. “He’s probably hungry,” she muttered, and cleared her throat. It still hurt.

“I’ll get you a glass of water,” Spence said, slipping out of the room quietly. Annabelle fed Matthew, knowing that Spence was probably staying away until she was finished.

The baby fell asleep again soon enough, and Spence entered the room with a glass of tea and an aspirin in his hand. Annabelle looked at him gratefully as she put her son back to bed. She couldn’t help but let her fingers linger on his neck, though. It had seemed to real…

“Thanks, Spence.”

He just smiled and helped her back into the bed. Having nowhere else to sit, he perched on the side of the bed. He looked a bit silly, sitting there so rigidly. He was probably hyper aware of the fact that neither of them were wearing very many clothes and that this _was_ her bedroom.

“It was just a nightmare. I dreamt that… That _he_ killed… that he killed Matthew,” she managed to say, suppressing a sob.

Spence reached out and captured her hand in his. “I’m sorry. But you have to know, I’d never let anything happen to him. Or to you,” he said, smiling softly at her.

Annabelle returned it, sinking back into her pillows. “I know. Thanks.”

Spence stood up to head back to the living room, but Annabelle stopped him. “Spence!” There must’ve been some panic in her voice, because he rushed straight back to the bed, concern written all over his face.

“I just… I don’t want to be alone. Could you… stay with me?” she asked in a small voice. She hated being this weak, being afraid of the dark corners of her room just because of a stupid nightmare, but she couldn’t stand the thought of having to go back to sleep on her own.

Spence internally debated the question for all of two seconds, before nodding. Annabelle scooted over to make room. He turned off the light he’d turned on when he’d barged in, and slipped under the covers. “I’m sorry I woke you up,” she whispered into the dark, searching for his hand under the covers.

“It’s okay. I was having trouble sleeping, too.”

She found her target and entwined their fingers. “Thanks for staying with me.”

“Always.”

She drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I can't believe I hadn't updated this! I updated on ff.net, but then I forgot because it was so late, I am so, so sorry!

** Chapter 11: **

Under any other circumstances, Annabelle would have been happy to wake up curled around Spencer Reid. Knowing that the only reason he was there was because of a horrible nightmare was a bit of a mood killer.

She lifted her head to gaze at her sleeping son, glad that he was snoring softly, or she’d have jumped out of bed to check his breathing. Sighing, Annabelle lowered her head back to Spence’s chest and listened to the comforting sound of his heartbeat. He was usually a much lighter sleeper, but she figured he must’ve been exhausted. He’d stayed up until two am, they had talked for another half an hour, and then she’d woken him up with her screams again at a little past five.

Annabelle knew that if he was awake, Spence would instantly move away, and while that would hurt, she now understood where it came from. Why he was so uncomfortable initiating physical contact between them. It didn’t help that she herself craved it so much.

The cynical part of her brain suggested that she was suffering from some form of Stockholm Syndrome, but, honestly, she wasn’t sure that was it. After all, Spence was as much a victim as she was.

She just wished he’d open up a little. He didn’t really have anyone to talk to, especially since none of his friends at work knew exactly what had happened between the two of them.

Her train of thought was interrupted when Spence’s eyelids fluttered. Annabelle quickly shut her eyes and pretended to be asleep. In his half-asleep state, Spence tightened his arm around her shoulders and buried his face further in her hair. But good things can’t last forever, and, before long, Spence was fully awake. He froze, barely breathing, and his heartbeat sped up considerably.

Somewhere deep inside, Annabelle was glad at the kind of reaction she drew from him. He was usually very in control of himself, so even a panicky reaction was a win for her. Besides, flustered Spence was funny to watch.

Slowly, Spence tried to inch out from under her, but Annabelle wasn’t quite ready to give up her comfy position, so she tightened her arm around his torso. _Let him try to squeeze out of that_ , she thought smugly, barely containing a grin.

But then Spence did something she hadn’t expected. He stayed frozen for a moment more, before settling back down, his arm coming back to rest on her shoulder. Annabelle had to focus to keep her breathing down. Was he finally starting to trust her? Or was he just settling back into sleep? She had absolutely no clue how to react to this, but… it was comfortable. New, but… good.

Settling back down, she could feel sleep tugging at the edges of her consciousness again. Matthew still didn’t sleep for more than two hours at a time, usually. So, naturally, just as Annabelle let herself slip away, Matthew started crying.

It started as a little whimper, but it soon grew too loud to ignore. Annabelle groaned into Spence’s chest. “He’s your son, you get to change him,” she grumbled, forgetting for a moment how skittish Spence could be.

He did move away, but he chuckled too, that should be a good sign, right? “He’s yours too,” he said quietly, but slipped out of the bed to see to his son anyway.

Blinking in surprise, Annabelle got sat up, watching Spence as he gently lifted the baby from the crib.

It was almost as endearing as the time she’d caught Spence sleeping with Matthew on the couch. “Do you have to work today?” she asked, pulling on a sweater over her pajamas.

Spence frowned as he carried Matthew over to his changing table. “What day is it?” he asked distractedly, putting his son down and starting to change him.

Annabelle smiled. He was a genius, but he could be so scatterbrained. “It’s Sunday, the 24th.”

Spence looked up. “JJ is taking a day off, and as far as we know, we only have paperwork to do… I could take a sick day.”

For the second time that morning, Annabelle was surprised. “Do you know if she has plans? Because I have tickets for the zoo, and I thought it’d be fun to go with Matthew. Maybe she could take Will and Henry?” Annabelle suggested. “And I could ask Mary if she and her kids want to join.”

Spence frowned. “Mary?” he asked.

Annabelle looked up. “Haven’t I mentioned her? She’s in my class, she’s a friend. She has two kids, so I figured she might want to join.”

“Oh, sure. Want me to call JJ?” he suggested, already taking out his phone. He was so careful not to jostle Matthew that it was kind of adorable.

“Sure. I’ll give Mary a call,” she replied, moving into the bedroom. She took a minute to get dressed in jeans and a more suitable sweater – it was still a little chilly outside, despite it being late spring now. The phone rang twice before Mary picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mary, it’s Annabelle.”

“Oh hi, Annabelle!” she said brightly. “How have you been?”

Annabelle shrugged, even though Mary couldn’t see her. “Good, good. Look I had a question. Do you have plans for today?”

"I do, actually," she said regretfully. "I have to take Hannah to the doctor." Hannah was Mary’s eldest, and while Annabelle hadn’t met her, Mary had a tendency to go on and on about how great a daughter the little girl was.

Annabelle bit her lip worriedly. "Oh no, is she okay?"

"Yeah; just a routine checkup. She's had a cold for the last few days. I'm really sorry," Mary replied.

"That's good to hear. I hope it's just a cold. And it's okay. Spence and I are taking Matthew to the zoo this afternoon."

"Oh, that'll be so fun!" Mary exclaimed. "I wish I could join you. Maybe we can have a day next week to get the kids together and spend some time?"

"Yeah, maybe. I know Spence will be busy with work, but we could get together," Annabelle replied excitedly. She missed seeing her friends on a regular basis.

"Okay! I'll be in touch," she said, clearly smiling. "I'll text you when I'm not driving. Bye!"

Annabelle smiled. “Talk to you later, bye.”

She opened the door to the living room just as Spence was about to come in. “Oh, sorry. What did Mary say?” he asked, giving Matthew back to her.

Annabelle took her little boy into her room, to get him dressed. It had been a little chilly lately, even though it was June now, so she was going to have to find that little sweater JJ had given her. JJ had been an angel, having brought over a few bags of Henry’s old baby clothes. “She has to take her daughter to the doctor, so she can’t join us. What about JJ?” Annabelle asked.

Spence had followed her into her room, and was watching her change Matthew’s clothes. When he wouldn’t lie still, he walked over and offered up a finger for the little guy to gnaw on. “Will’s stuck at work, but she said she and Henry would love to join us,” he replied absently. He was making faces at Matthew, and the baby was giggling, even though he still wouldn’t let go of Spence’s finger.

Annabelle smiled at the sight. “You know I’m going to need his arms to get his shirt on, right?” she asked sarcastically.

Spence made a face and tried to extricate his finger. He managed to get one little fist to let go, which Annabelle promptly put through one sleeve, while Spence tried to free his digit.

He was so careful, it was a little funny. Matthew was five months old now, but Spence still treated him like he was a newborn. “You can tug a little harder, it won’t hurt him,” she said, grinning at her two boys.

Spence looked up at her. “Are you sure? He’s so… delicate…”

Annabelle chuckled. "I'm sure. Go ahead; just give it a gentle tug." Frowning, Spence did as she said, and eventually managed to pry his finger free. Annabelle gave him a smile and finished putting on Matthew’s shirt, while the little guy complained at the loss of his ‘toy’. “There, all done. Did JJ say where she was going to meet us?”

Spence, who had been making faces at Matthew again, looked up. “What?”

Rolling her eyes, Annabelle picked up her son and moved to the living room. “I was just asking where JJ wanted to meet us.”

“Oh, she said it would be easier to meet at the entrance to the zoo. Did you know that the Smithsonian national zoo houses almost 1800 animals of 300 different species?”

“I did not,” Annabelle said, smiling. “I’ve never been there.”

“Really? Me neither. They even have a think tank where they use Orangutans,” he said excitedly.

Annabelle looked at him incredulously. “Spence, you live ten minutes away, how have you never been there?”

He shrugged. “I’ve never had a reason.”

Annabelle laughed. “Oh, Spencer, only you.” Carefully, she picked up Matthew’s diaper bag. “Could you get the baby carrier? It’s that black thing on the cabinet over there.”

Spence had to move some things over before he could get the carrier, which reminded Annabelle that they really needed a bigger place. Spence couldn’t keep using the couch, and Matthew would need his own room sooner or later. She sighed, she was going to have to think about that later.

“Here, take Matthew,” she said, handing over the baby. Spence had dropped the carrier, not wanting to juggle it when he was also holding the baby. Annabelle shook her head, put down the diaper bag – why had she picked it up again? – and picked up the carrier.

She’d only used it once, but – embarrassingly enough – she’d practiced, so she could put it on fairly fast. With a few clicks of belts and the infant insert thingie, she’d managed to swaddle Matthew in pretty snuggly. His heart rested over hers, and right now he was content just sitting there. She was sure he’d be all big-eyes and wonder the minute they stepped outside, though.

Spence looked mildly impressed. Annabelle smirked.

“You’re going to have to drive. You said JJ was going to wait at the entrance, right?” she asked, picking up the diaper bag again.

“Uhm, yeah,” Spence said, maybe a little dazed.

“Great! Then let’s go.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I realized something stupid I did. I never really said in which season this takes place, because I didn't want to be too specific, or too tied to the episodes. Unfortunately, I've started to do that now, and I realized that Prentiss shouldn't be on the team anymore. In fact, Annabelle should have never even heard of her. This takes place in season 9. Specifically, during 9x08, and as we all know, Prentiss left the team waaaaaay before that. So, sorry for that inconsistency.

** Chapter 12: **

After they met JJ and Henry at the entrance, they quickly decided to leave it up to little Henry where to go. The little guy was absolutely fascinated by Matthew, which was adorable, but it also meant that he asked Annabelle to crouch all the time so he could look at him. JJ just thought it was all very amusing.

“Mommy, can we go see the lions?” he asked once he was done looking at Matthew.

JJ smiled indulgently. “Of course, sweetheart. Why don’t you lead the way? But don’t let go of mommy’s hand!” she warned. Henry immediately started enthusiastically pulling JJ in a random direction.

“I can’t for Matthew to reach that age,” Spence whispered, and walked ahead to catch up to JJ.

For a second, Annabelle couldn’t move. Of course she’d known that Spence wanted to be a part of Matthew’s life, but… somehow she hadn’t thought that he had pictured a future with them. A smile tugged at her lips.

With a light heart, she caught up to JJ and Spence, who were nearing the cheetah enclosure. Feeling giddy, she walked next to Henry and held out her hand. He’d proclaimed earlier that he liked her, so he wasted no time in grabbing hold.

"Henry, what do you say we make this an adventure?" Annabelle asked excitedly. "Do you want to be an explorer? Because I think Spencer would really like that.”

His eyes lit up and he quickly looked to his mom for approval. As soon as JJ nodded, he was off like an arrow, dragging her along. Annabelle just laughed and went along with it, pointing out imaginary obstacles in the ‘jungle’ they had found themselves in.

/*/

They were just about to board a little train that went through the Lion enclosure when JJ and Spence got the call.

Spence turned to her with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, we have a case in Chicago,” he said as soon as he hung up. JJ was still on the phone, but she was holding Henry close to her.

Annabelle felt a little twinge of disappointment, but quickly shoved it to the back of her mind. “That’s okay, I know you’re always on call.”

Spence leaned forward and kissed Matthew’s head, whispering something Annabelle couldn’t quite catch. JJ then turned to them with a sheepish expression. “We have to go right away…”

Annabelle waved a hand. “I understand. I’ll take care of Henry and I’ll make sure he gets home safely. Don’t worry.”

JJ smiled gratefully, and knelt down next to her son. “Hey, buddy. Mommy has to go to work now.”

“Are you going to catch bad guys, mommy?” Henry asked. Spence was gently stroking Matthew’s head, but Annabelle watched JJ instead. She knew how the other woman felt.

JJ smiled. “Of course. Now you be good to Annabelle, okay?”

Henry nodded and looked up at the other woman. JJ pressed one more kiss to his head and walked towards the entrance.

Spence finally stepped back. “I’ll call when we land,” he said, and turned to follow JJ out.

Annabelle opened her mouth to say something else, but no sound came out. And what would she say anyway? ‘Be careful’? He always was, especially now that he had someone to come back to. And there was no way she was going to say that she cared about him. Neither of them were ready for that yet.

A tug on her hand reminded her of where she was. “Can we go get an ice cream?” Henry asked sweetly.

Unable to help a grin, Annabelle leaned down. “Sure, why not. But we’re going to have to find a vendor. You wouldn’t happen to have a magnifying glass, would you?”

Henry grinned. “No.”

Annabelle put her hands on her hips in mock indignation. “What? You don’t always keep a magnifying glass in your pocket?”

By now, Henry was all out giggling. “No!”

“Well then, how are we going to find a vendor? This jungle is very big, you know,” Annabelle asked, grinning widely. “Do you think we should just give up?”

“No! We follow the path,” Henry said, pointing ahead. Tugging at her hand, he led the way, leaving the lion enclosure without going in the little train.

“Watch out for the lava!” Annabelle warned playfully. Henry nodded seriously and decided only the dark stones were safe to step on. Slowly, but having a lot of fun in the process, they finally found an ice cream vendor.

/*/

“Thanks so much for looking after him,” Will – JJ’s husband – said in a heavy southern drawl when Annabelle dropped Henry off.

“It was no problem at all. Henry was a perfect gentleman. Oh, but you’re going to have to make sure he didn’t smuggle and snakes or lions home with him,” she replied with a wink.

Will laughed. “I’ll make a note of that.”

“Daddy, we saw really big spiders! They were bigger than my whole hand!” Henry said, pulling on his dad’s hand.

“Really?” Will said, looking from his son to Annabelle.

She shrugged. “He really liked the reptile house. Where they apparently have huge bugs too,” she said with a slight shudder. Spiders had always creeped her out.

“Well, thanks again,” he said with a grin as he ushered his son inside. “And take care of that little one, too,” he said, gently patting Matthew’s head as the baby slept.

“Will do,” she replied, smiling, and walked back to her car.

/*/

She only did it on a whim. She hadn’t really expected to find anything. But she had. And now she had no idea what to do. Penelope Garcia was too curious for her own good.

Before they’d known who she was, it had been fun to speculate on what she’d find if she used her FBI clearance to find out exactly who Annabelle Crawford was. Penelope hadn’t expected to her name to pop up in the Joshua Dunn case they’d solved last year.

Penelope had her finger over the speed dial on her phone before she could really think. But what would she tell Morgan? Obviously this was something neither Reid nor Annabelle wanted known, since they’d told the rest of the world it was a one-night stand, but… they were a team, didn’t they deserve to know the truth?

Oh, why was this so hard? Why, _why_ had she decided to look Annabelle up? She was a nice girl, and Matthew was the cutest baby ever, so what had possessed her to look the other woman up?

The team was on their way back from the Chicago case, and they were all exhausted. She probably shouldn’t bother them anyway. Except… The phone was already dialing. Sometimes, Penelope really hated that her hands went faster than her head.

“Hotchner.”

“Sir,” Penelope said, suddenly at a loss for words. This wasn’t even really her business. Plus, she’d used FBI resources to get gossip about Reid’s girlfriend, and Hotch wouldn’t be happy about that.

“Garcia, is something wrong?” Hotch asked. Penelope could hear the other members of the team talking in the background.

“No, sir, nothing’s wrong. It’s just… I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I was curious, and then I found out, and now I wish I didn’t know, and it’s not even any of my business, but I don’t know what to do, I mean–”

“Penelope, breathe. What is it?” Hotch said in his reasonable voice.

She took a deep breath. “I found Annabelle’s name in the Joshua Dunn case. She was the woman captured along with Reid. Sir, Matthew was born eight months later.” She was worrying her lip and wringing her hands.

Hotch sighed on the other end of the line.

Penelope listened for a moment, before she couldn’t keep silent any more. “I don’t hear an exclamation of surprise. Unless it was silent. You seem like the kind of person to be silently surprised, sir,         re you silently surprised?” she babbled.

“I had my suspicions,” he admitted reluctantly.

This was bad. Because if Hotch confirmed it, this couldn’t just be a bad dream or hallucination anymore. “But what do we do? It’s not my place to tell anyone, anyone else I mean, but I can’t keep a secret! Morgan will know I’m hiding something, and then I’ll blab, and–”

“Garcia, breathe,” Hotch said again. After she’d done what he asked, he told her to stay on the line. There was some rustling, and then she heard the telltale sound of being put on speaker.

“I know you’ve been holding something back, Reid, and I need you to tell me. In order for this team to work, we all need to know that we can trust each other with anything,” Hotch said calmly. Penelope kept quiet, knowing the question wasn’t directed at her.

More rustling, and the sound of a sigh again. “How long have you known?” Reid asked.

“I’ve suspected for a while, but I didn’t know for certain until just now. You need to tell the team, Reid, this is something they need to know.”

“Why?” Reid challenged. “This is personal, it doesn’t have anything to do with–”

“It has everything to do with the job and you know it. We need to know which situations are going to be difficult for each member of the team, we need to be able to anticipate every move any member of this team makes,” Hotch reasoned. “I’m not going to order you to tell them, nor am I going to do it for you if you refuse, but if you do choose to follow my advice… we’re a few minutes out from landing. Now’s your chance.”

Penelope heard footsteps and then the sound of someone sitting down in one of the plane’s leather seats. “Garcia, I need you to come by my office once we’re back.”

She winced. “I’m going to get lectured on the use of FBI resources aren’t I?”

“Yes,” he replied, and she swore there was a hint of a smile in his voice.

/*/

“You told them?” Annabelle asked incredulously as she opened the door.

Reid was confused. “I thought you wanted me to share?” He put his bag down by the door and walked over to Matthew’s play pen.

“Yeah, like with a psychologist, not your team! It was a private matter, Spence, you should have talked to me first,” she said, rubbing her forehead. She looked tired.

“I’m sorry,” Reid said, picking his son up and walking over to her. “I didn’t realize… Garcia and Hotch found out, and… I figured the rest of the team should know.”

“It’s fine,” she said, but it didn’t sound sincere. “I just… I don’t want them to look at me like a victim.”

Reid frowned. “But you’re not. You’re one of the strongest people I know.” He was just stating a fact. Like the members of his team at the BAU, Annabelle had a strength of character that was all too rare in this world.

Matthew was playing with his tie, which momentarily distracted him, but when he looked up, Annabelle was staring at him with her mouth slightly open. She looked surprised and confused. “You think I’m strong?” she whispered. “Why?” She sounded so incredulous, like that was the most unfathomable thing she’d ever heard.

Reid shrugged. “Because you are. Statistically, women who have gone through what you went through… they can’t do what you did.”

Annabelle smiled, just a tiny bit. “I don’t think there are a whole lot of women who’ve been through what I went through.” Her smile fell. “But… I’m not strong. God, I still have panic attacks when I’m in a crowd of people, specifically, when I’m around men. I don’t like to leave this apartment, I feel like I have to look over my shoulder all the time.”

Readjusting his grip on Matthew, Reid digested that information. “But you still go out. You go to the store, and I know you have lunch with your friend Mary every other day. You still go to class, you go to the movies… You don’t let it define your life. And I think that’s brave.”

To his horror, Annabelle’s eyes were a little misty. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before,” she murmured. Then she smiled. “I’m glad I met you Spencer Reid, despite the circumstances.”

Reid smiled back gingerly. He really hoped she wasn’t about to cry. Instead, she just kissed him on the cheek, which was not what he had been expecting. “I’m going to make lasagna,” she announced, turned around, and left him to his own devices.

She was by far the strangest woman he’d ever met… but he was also glad to know her, because he was starting to have trouble imagining his life without her.

Matthew chose that moment to start squirming, and Reid put him down to play with his toys. They’d be alright, the three of them. Eventually. It would take time, and it wouldn’t be easy, but… as he looked at Annabelle bustling around in her kitchen, and Matthew happily chewing on the ear of his stuffed dog… he honestly believed they would get there in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Cloverfield for being an awesome reviewer, and for inspiring me to finally finish this chapter (after 3 months, it was about time).  
> Also, I know the first bit of this chapter isn't quite as good, but I'm kind of proud of the ending, so feel free to give me your opinion.


End file.
